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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27657407">Dantooine - Ruyot (History)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clio_Codex/pseuds/Clio_Codex'>Clio_Codex</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Wandering Stars [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Mandalorian romance, Sexual Content</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:29:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>27,877</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27657407</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clio_Codex/pseuds/Clio_Codex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The crew of the Ebon Hawk has escaped Taris and made their way to the Jedi enclave on Dantooine.  Canderous wrestles with his next steps, Aoibhinn reveals more of her history, and Tal Aren tries find lost memories while training as a Jedi.  Story focuses on these three with cameos from the rest of the Hawk crew.</p><p>Continues the story from Taris - Balac (Opportunity) although can work on its own.</p><p>“You remember a remarkable amount, Tal Aren, for a man with no memories.  Do you find it odd that you know nothing of yourself?”  He frowned at that.  “Perhaps Bastila’s Jedi Council will have the answer to that.”</p><p>She turned then to leave, not sure if she’d gained ground or lost it in the pursuit of her answers.  “Aoibhinn,” he called as she neared the door.  “Why do I feel we’ve met before?”  Her heart thudded at the question despite the vulnerability in his voice as he asked.   She needed him to remember and yet….</p><p>When she turned to answer, she saw confusion on his face.  “Perhaps you’ll remember.”  His eyes narrowed at that and she quickly walked away.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Canderous Ordo/Original Character(s), Revan &amp; Bastila Shan, Revan &amp; Carth Onasi, Revan &amp; Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Wandering Stars [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1952851</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Hyperspace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Always happy to hear folks' thoughts if you are reading!</p><p>Italicized dialogue is generally when Canderous &amp; Aoibhinn are speaking Mando'a.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">It was a good ship, the Ebon Hawk, fast enough to outrun the Sith fighters that came in hard and heavy as they made their escape.They were lucky, too, that Onasi was as good a pilot as he’d claimed to be.The arrival of Malak’s fleet and the bombardment of Taris had complicated things, but in the end, well, they were alive and away. Both Canderous and Aoibhinn were annoyed that the Jedi had ordered jump coordinates to Dantooine before bothering to have a conversation about it.But it would be easy enough to ditch the others and continue on.To where?And would she come?He tried not to think that far ahead. Hyperspace always made him feel unsettled; it was best not to make decisions until he had solid ground under his feet again.</p><p class="p1">For now he was glad to have Taris behind him.Stealing the ship, the thrill of a good fight, that had reminded him of who he was or at least had been.Watching Aoibhinn in action had also cemented in his mind the worth of pursuing her.<em>To what end? </em></p><p class="p1">He declined to bunk with the Republic soldiers and the Wookie (Zaalbar he reminded himself) and instead found a cot in the corner of the garage.They’d have a week or so in transit, plenty of time to pull together some decent armor and weapons from the small cache on board, get ready for whatever was next. </p><p class="p1"><em>“Mind some company?”</em>She didn’t wait for an answer, but took a seat on the end of the workbench, the toe of her boot swinging close to his knee.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Tired of the others already are you?” </em>
</p><p class="p1">She laughed, <em>“Maybe I just continue find you more interesting.”</em>She examined the armor he was trying to rig to fit him; it would be a rough job given the lack of a forge and his own limited skill at this sort of work. <em>“Not quite as nice as what we used to have, is it?”</em>That strange wistfulness he’d heard before crept into her voice.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Temporary.”</em>
</p><p class="p1"><em>“You think things will be as they once were?”</em>She did have a habit of asking a question layered with meaning.Which part to answer?</p><p class="p1">He regarded her carefully, unable to read her expression. <em>“Some will.Others will change, become better.Fire culls out the weak; the strong grow back.” </em></p><p class="p1">“<em>That’s not the first time you’ve given such a philosophical answer, Ordo.You continue to surprise me.”</em>Where the hell was she going with that?</p><p class="p1">Best to answer simply then, leave her guessing too, <em>“Good.”</em></p><p class="p1">She smiled back in reply. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">*****</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“So, are y’all a couple or something?”The Twi’lek girl was shuffling pazaak cards, her lekku twitching in a way Aoibhinn thought might mean amusement.They were two days in hyperspace, enroute to Dantooine.She had thoughts about that destination - none good.But Onasi had punched the coordinates at the Jedi’s request before she’d had a chance to convince him of a better option.Her instinct had whispered, <em>wait and see</em>. </p><p class="p1">Now it was just a matter of beating the awkward boredom of close quarters with the motley crew that found themselves aboard the Hawk.Already, she had a soft spot for the girl, Mission, who seemed to have a knack for breaking tension - and for annoying the Jedi woman - although apparently Aoibhinn was the girl’s current target.<em>“</em>Sorry, what?”</p><p class="p1">“You and the old man.You together?”Definitely amusement.The damn girl was grinning now, but tried to sound confidential as she leaned closer.“I mean, I can’t help but notice that you are always looking at each other awful thirsty like when you think no one is watching.And you’re both Mandalorian, ya know,” she said with exaggerated effect.“So, yeah, I was just wondering if you were a thing.”</p><p class="p1">“Mission!”Of course, the self-righteous Jedi would chime in.“I hardly think that’s an appropriate line of conversation.”</p><p class="p1">Aoibhinn couldn’t help herself now.The girl’s question did nag her for some reason she couldn’t - or wouldn’t - name.But she’d be damned if she’d pass up the opportunity to crawl under Bastila’s skin, given her constant glares and snippy remarks.</p><p class="p1">“Oh, <em>together </em>together, like fucking?”She heard the Jedi gasp.“Well, no.Currently, it’s strictly professional.But anything is possible.But I’d hardly call Canderous <em>old</em>, and he certainly has,” she paused for effect, smirking suggestively at Bastila, “he certainly has admirable qualities and extensive experiences that no doubt would make him a worthy bed-mate.”Mission giggled and glanced over Aoibhinn’s shoulder.</p><p class="p1"><em>“</em>Good to know you’ve not ruled me out.”<em>Shit.</em>Where the hell had he come from?And why was he standing so damn close, bending to speak into her ear? Just doing his part for the jest?Well, nothing to do but play it out now.</p><p class="p1">She tried to ignore his heavy presence behind her, and instead, leaned over towards Mission.“I’ve learned never to rule out anything….or anyone.”She winked and stood to move past him.His arm shot out, blocking her path. </p><p class="p1">He leaned towards her again, leaving their faces inches apart.Probably they were both just playing it up to goad the Jedi and entertain the girl, but she wondered, too, if they weren’t also flirting with real possibility.The long dormant thing he’d roused in her before on Taris flickered to life again.“I’m here if you want something done right.”That damn roguish grin.<em>Shit. </em>She could just kiss him, get it over with and out in the open.But not like this, not as part of a jest.</p><p class="p1">She bit her lip, half for the joke, half to slow her now pounding heart.<em>“</em>Hmm….good to know.”Their bodies were almost touching, making it hard to remember they had an audience, that she’d told herself to wait.</p><p class="p1">The girl giggled again and shook her head.“See what I mean??Thirsty.”She heard Bastila sigh loudly.</p><p class="p1">“But….I think we’re embarrassing poor Bastila, Ordo.You know how the Jedi are about sex.”She heard a muffled huff.“I’ll keep your offer in mind though.”She ran a finger across his jaw for effect as she turned to leave, felt his breath hitch at the sudden touch, wondered if Mission’s giggles and the Jedi’s presence were the only things keeping the moment from turning into something other than a tease.</p><p class="p1">Later, she remembered the girl’s observation, <em>you are always looking at each other. </em> Certainly she was guilty of raking her eyes up and down his well-muscled form.<em>Well then!</em>What if he’d really meant the offer he’d made - and what would she do if he did? The question of their mutual attraction flared again, still tempered by her worry that whatever this was between them might turn the way of her other liaisons, fleeting and impersonal.What to make of that or of the other emotion that had hit her as they’d watched the sun rise over Taris?The flicker in her gut started to burn.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">****</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">It turned out that as any good smuggler should, Davik had quite the stash of quality whiskey in the cargo hold. It was actually Onasi who found it, and broke open the first bottle. Between that, his piloting, and his skills with a blaster, the man was rising in his esteem, Republic soldier or not.</p><p class="p1">It was late - well, late if they’d been keeping to the clock on Taris.That was another thing he hated about hyperspace, no sun to set your waking by.The girl and the Jedi had headed off to the dorms and the Wookie excused himself, too; guess they weren’t much for drinking. </p><p class="p1">That left the four of them - Aoibhinn, the Republic soldiers, and himself - sitting around the table in the common area, whiskey and four glasses at the ready.He still felt a bit of a buzz from his earlier encounter with Aoibhinn, couldn’t shake the way her finger traced along his jaw.That scoundrel of a girl had set them up, but he’d been all too eager to play along. </p><p class="p1">“So is this a friendly round or an interrogation?”He addressed Onasi who had poured them each a generous glass.</p><p class="p1">“Friendly, of course.Not in the habit of interrogating people who just helped get me out of a sticky situation.” </p><p class="p1">“A toast then - to our unexpected alliance.”</p><p class="p1">Aoibhinn was twirling a credit chit in her fingers;her hands were never still, especially when she was thinking.The girl was right in her observation that he did more than his fair share of watching Aoibhinn. As he watched her now, he felt a twist of jealousy at the way she was watching Tal Aren, studying his face like she wanted to know more.<em>Don’t be a fool, Ordo.</em>He knew he’d read too much into their easy familiarity, the times she’d touched him on Taris, the way she had only hours before.She’d want a man closer to her own age, of course.He poured himself another drink, pushed aside those thoughts.</p><p class="p1">“It is rather funny how fate leads you, isn’t it?”Aoibhinn still twirled the chit as she talked, faster than she should have been able.“Four years ago we’d have been trying to kill each other.And now, we sit enjoying a rather nice bottle of whiskey as allies… for now at least.”She grinned.“You both fought in the war, of course?”</p><p class="p1">“I’m sorry to say I can’t remember, but Onasi tells me I did.”Aren leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head.“I guess I’m stuck with the stories of others if you’ve got any to tell.”Aoibhinn’s eyes narrowed just slightly, the chit still twirled.He knew she didn’t like the story that the men had given, that Tal Aren had suffered some sort of head injury when they’d crashed on Taris that had clouded any memories of his life before that moment.Memories or no, from the way the man fought, he was definitely a solider, or perhaps something more.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">They passed the rest of the night with small talk, stories safe to share in mixed company.He learned that Onasi had been something of a star in the Republic fleet; they’d fought on opposite sides of several engagements, a fact that earned the man a few more ticks in his favor.Aoibhinn shared nothing of her own story he’d not heard before.He noted that she gracefully skirted the subject of her father and the details of her own high ranking position in the Mandalorian force.Curious, but her history was her own to decide what to do with.</p><p class="p1">By the time they called it a night, it was probably approaching dawn on Taris.He guessed the others might start waking soon.Aoibhinn lingered lost in her thoughts.He stood in the doorway, not meaning to stare but knowing he was.Was the warmth he felt the whiskey or her presence?</p><p class="p1">She stood finally and moved to walk towards the starboard dorm; they somehow met in the narrow doorway.He forced his thumbs to loop into his belt to stay his hands.She tipped her head just enough to look up into his face, wearing the soft, real smile with the crinkled eyes, a whisper of mischief playing at the edges of her face.</p><p class="p1">“<em>Goodnight, Ordo.May you have pleasant dreams.”</em>She laid a hand on his arm, the lightest of touches.More innocent than the brush of her finger earlier in the day but somehow just as burning.</p><p class="p1"><em>“You as well.Until tomorrow.”</em>And then she was gone.</p><p class="p1">Yeah, tomorrow.Something to look forward to for sure. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">****</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Aren was in the cargo hold, shuffling through the assorted boxes.Looking for anything that might be useful Aoibhinn supposed. He glanced up as she came in.“Can’t quite break the code on this one to get it open.You any good with locks?”</p><p class="p1">“Sorry, that’s not one of my talents.”Suddenly, her intent to speak with him privately seemed ill-advised. His voice wasn’t quite right, too cheerful maybe and quick to make a joke; she doubted that the man in her memory allowed himself such frivolity.If she’d seen the other man’s face that day four years ago, then she would know if he stood before her now.But he’d always worn the mask; she had little to go on aside from the nagging in her gut, <em>follow this.</em> </p><p class="p1">“Have you been to Dantooine before?”</p><p class="p1">“No, have you?”</p><p class="p1">Aren shook his head and laughed.“Maybe?Who knows?Not me I’m afraid.”</p><p class="p1">Right, still the claim of no memory.Although Aoibhinn was increasingly convinced that the man was truthful and remembered nothing….except for the few moments she caught him squinting, as though there was something just on the edge of his mind that might give him an answer.Perhaps he just needed the right nudge, if she could figure out what that might be.</p><p class="p1">He continued, “Maybe Dantooine will remind me of something.You know,” he paused squinting to remember, “I’m almost certain I’ve been to Taris before, now that we are gone.”</p><p class="p1">“Shame about Taris.Malak’s decision to raze it was certainly a poor one from a tactical perspective.Not sure what he hoped to gain from burning a world already under his control.”If she had not been watching his face closely for a sign of anything at all, she’d have missed the slight wince at Malak’s name.Perhaps that was important.Something for later.</p><p class="p1">“Afraid I wouldn’t know.Not sure I’m wise to military strategy.”She kept her face impassive as he spoke.“Or maybe I am, but don’t remember.”Maybe she imagined it, but it seemed like there was a slight change in his expression then, like the faint whisper of a memory crossing the blanks of his mind.</p><p class="p1">“I hear Bastila thinks you have gifts, gifts her Jedi masters would be interested in.”</p><p class="p1">“She’s said as much.Excepts me to meet with them on Dantooine.”He paused, regarding her intently.“Perhaps you have gifts of your own, given the weapons you wear.”His tone had changed, something darker in his voice.Aoibhinn wondered where he was trying to go.“Or are your Jedi sabers a war trophy?”</p><p class="p1">“Hardly.Is the taking of war trophies a common practice among your Republic soldiers?True I fought Jedi in the war, but these are mine by rights.”</p><p class="p1">A confused look flashed on his face, then cleared.“A Mandalorian Jedi?Very odd.”</p><p class="p1">Aoibhinn sorted at that.“I’m no Jedi nor did I claim to be.I’ve worn these most of my life and don’t intend to explain the why of that to a man I just met.Most who know me are wise enough to keep their questions about them to themselves.”</p><p class="p1">“Fair enough.Forget I asked.You fought at Dxun?”When she didn’t answer his abrupt change in subject, he continued.“You did.But didn’t mention it the other night.Why?”</p><p class="p1">Did he know that somehow?Or was that a lucky guess?She ignored his why, “I fought in many battles, Tal Aren.And I remember them all.Unlike you.”</p><p class="p1">The smile he gave her then was hard and cold, not Tal Aren’s at all.“I don’t remember my own story, Aoibhinn, but I’m starting to remember most of what I knew that’s not about me directly.It was no secret that Fett’s shadow led the Mandalorian force at Dxun.That was you.”</p><p class="p1">He’d not framed it as a question.Instead, there was a challenge in his eyes, daring her to deny the truth.Why should she?“Many called me that, yes, but my father died at Malachor.I’m not his shadow any longer.”</p><p class="p1">“Dxun was well fought.You nearly won despite the odds against you.”That was true, too.Aoibhinn wondered what else he remembered about Dxun, if he knew the face of the woman who’d led the Republic there.</p><p class="p1">“You remember a remarkable amount, Tal Aren, for a man with no memories.Do you find it odd that you know nothing of yourself?”He frowned at that.“Perhaps Bastila’s Jedi Council will have the answer to that.”</p><p class="p1">She turned then to leave, not sure if she’d gained ground or lost it in the pursuit of her answers.“Aoibhinn,” he called as she neared the door.“Why do I feel we’ve met before?”Her heart thudded at the question despite the vulnerability in his voice as he asked. She needed him to remember and yet….</p><p class="p1">When she turned to answer, she saw confusion on his face.“Perhaps you’ll remember.”His eyes narrowed at that and she quickly walked away.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“You should consider meeting with the council, Aoibhinn.They will be eager to meet you.”Bastila had been hinting at this since they’d hit hyperspace, insisting that all be ready to present themselves to her Jedi masters.They were now hours out from Dantooine and she was making one final plea. </p><p class="p1">“And if I’m not eager to meet them?”</p><p class="p1">“They could help you, Aoibhinn.”</p><p class="p1">“Don’t recall asking for help.”</p><p class="p1">Bsatila eyed Aoibhinn’s sabers.“You have gifts….they might be willing to…”</p><p class="p1">She cut the Jedi off with a sharp glare.There was a part of her that was curious, curious to what they might be able to tell her in answer to her questions, even curious as to what they might show her about how to better use what flowed through her.But not curious enough…yet anyway.“I’ve managed this far, Bastila, without your council.And I’m not so sure they’d be quite as welcoming as you imagine.Don’t ask me again.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter contains an extensive reworking of one of the first things I wrote and published (Copaanir)...on the off chance you read that and find some of this sounds familiar!</p><p>And....rating is for this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Dantooine was a farming world, the sort of quiet backwater where you could live a lifetime without ever noticing the rest of the galaxy. When they’d landed, most everyone had joined Bastila in heading for the enclave.She was eager to report to her masters, had convinced Tal Aren that he had potential they needed to see.The others were swayed by the promise of a hot meal, real showers, and soft beds.</p><p class="p1">Bastila had looked at Aoibhinn, some pleading look in her eyes, but she’d shaken her head and stayed on the ship.Canderous had stayed, too.Whether because of her or his own stubbornness she wasn’t sure.Maybe it was just about holding their claim on the ship.</p><p class="p1">He’d suggested just leaving.They had no obligation to the others and of course he was right.Part of her wanted to go, to forget the new thing she’d found to chase, the answers she thought were buried in the mind of a man who couldn’t remember himself.But it seemed the Force had other ideas.</p><p class="p1">“<em>Onasi must have done something to the hyperdrive.Ship’s not going anywhere.”</em>Canderous added a string of curses as he kicked the engine casing.</p><p class="p1">She was annoyed of course, but also amused.Canderous would never admit that he didn’t know how to fix it - and that he’d not thought before to keep an eye out for such a move.<em>“Guess we are stuck then?”</em>She tried rather unsuccessfully to suppress a laugh.</p><p class="p1"><em>“This funny to you, Aoibhinn?”</em>He still wore a scowl, but she could see it slipping.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Not really.Although I confess I’m rather enjoying watching you pretend like you know what you are doing down there.”</em>
</p><p class="p1"><em>“You got a better idea?”</em>He was giving her that look now, the one that lit the flicker in her core.</p><p class="p1">She fought an urge to wipe at the engine grease he’d managed to get on his face.<em>“Well, suppose we could explore the pleasures of Dantooine….partner.”</em></p><p class="p1"><em>“Partner…still?”</em>His tone was playful but there was something serious in the question, too, something that she wasn’t sure how to answer.He’d been a true partner on Taris, someone who saw her as his equal, someone who she trusted and trusted her in return.Could that last?They’d accomplished the thing that brought them together.Would something else grow to replace it?</p><p class="p1">Because of her uncertainty, she skirted around the question.<em>“Not sure there are credits to be made here, Ordo, but it has been a long while since I’ve spent my days under open sky.Wanna go explore?”</em></p><p class="p1">They’d spent a day poking around the settlement that surrounded the enclave.Nothing much to speak of, no cantina even, just a tiny shop with some basic supplies (certainly not what they needed to fix the hyperdrive even if they did know how) and an assortment of farmsteads, most small.</p><p class="p1">Turned out there were a few credits to be made.The locals reported being overrun by kath hounds, some sort of wild dog-like beast native to the plains.They’d been more aggressive and numerous than normal in recent weeks, carrying off livestock and giving more than a few farmers a scare.They’d taken the job.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">It was nice to feel the sun and wind, to walk for hours through the openness of the tall grass, especially after months in the close shadows of Taris.It was the kind of nice that could almost make Aoibhinn forget about the damn questions and nagging doubts that whispered in her mind. </p><p class="p1">As always, Canderous’s company provided a welcome distraction.On Taris, he’d only used his blades for sparring, carrying around that ridiculous blaster rifle as a show of force, but here he chose to hunt with blades.If he was showing off, she wasn’t sure she minded; she liked watching him nearly as much as working beside him.</p><p class="p1">As they sat by the fire on their first night after hunting, she felt her thoughts drifting to that unsure place again.<em>You could want this</em>.Her thoughts whispered.<em>Should I?</em>What did it mean to want like this, to feel whatever it was she did that went beyond carnal desire? The lingering looks he’d given as their evening talk had slowed made her wonder why he didn’t touch her, and disappointed that he hadn’t.Instead, he’d wished her good night, settled on the other side of the fire, and seemed quickly asleep.</p><p class="p1">From where she lay several feet away she could hear his steady breathing, imagined what it would be like to lie beside him, to feel the rhythm of his breath against her own.For most of her life she’d slept in the presence of others; there was little privacy in the camps of her childhood or the ships and encampments of war.Still she’d never slept <em>with</em> someone, always careful to leave her lovers before sleep took her.</p><p class="p1">That first night, she slept in her boots, extra insurance against the temptation to slide into his bedroll and press her body to his.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">The second day passed much the same as the first.They had plenty of luck with the kath hounds and managed to snare a few of the small native mammals for a proper dinner as well.Camp cooking was apparently another one of Canderous’s talents. </p><p class="p1">They’d made camp by a small stream, sheltered from the evening breeze by an outcrop of rocks.While dinner roasted over the fire, they’d shed their boots, rolled up their pants and splashed off the dust of the day in the shallow water.<em>“Not a bad place, this,” </em>he’d said.And it was nice.She’d left off her boots and played her toes in the sandy soil as they ate and watched the sun sink below the horizon.</p><p class="p1">After, she leaned against one of the rocks, legs tucked to her chin, watching him work a stick with his small knife.Nervous habit she thought, but she liked to watch that, too - large hands, rough with use, but capable of delicate work.<em>Of touch? </em> She remembered the feel of his hand on her back weeks before, the way their fingers had brushed dozens of times, the heat of their bodies when they sparred. </p><p class="p1">She turned her gaze to the stars, hoping for a distraction against her thoughts.It would be so easy to reach over a hand and run a finger around the edges of the clan mark near his shoulder, to slowly trace up to his jaw to the scar above his eye, to invite the touch of those hands.She didn’t think he would mind.Warmth swirled up from her core again - so easy just to touch, to linger, to want, to invite.Her thoughts blazed.</p><p class="p1"><em>“The hells,”</em> he jumped up, the knife still in his hand.</p><p class="p1">She realized in a panic what she had somehow done.Her thoughts.<em>Shit.</em>Maybe he did mind.<em>Witch</em> whispered that inner voice.She held her breath and froze.</p><p class="p1"><em>“Aoibhinn?”</em> He was too far out of the light of the fire for her to read his expression, but he sounded curious maybe?<em>“You did that?”</em>She let out her breath and nodded slightly, not daring to otherwise move, afraid to break a thing not yet made.<em>“I wasn’t expecting…”.</em>He let the thought hang.</p><p class="p1">And then she knew, remembered the way he’d spoken before of finding home, the way his hand had felt in hers as he did, wanted that promise of rebuilding a future.<em>Perhaps we’ve wandered alone for too long</em>, he’d said.Oh, how she wanted that.</p><p class="p1">He’d moved a little closer, enough that the light now framed his face.One brow raised, he made a noise that was something between a hum and a laugh, <em>“Didn’t mind though</em>.”The warmth that had ebbed when she’d been caught, flooded back as their eyes met.She felt a slow smile, the wanting kind, ghost across her lips. </p><p class="p1"><em>“Oh,” </em>she managed.Their eyes stayed locked as her mind traced up his arm again, lingering around his clan mark, slipping across his shoulder and up his jaw.This time she meant it.As her thoughts drifted across his cheek and lips she sensed his breath deepen and pulse quicken, matching her own.It would be so easy to reach out;he wouldn’t mind. </p><p class="p1">He was still holding the knife.Well, that would be a place to start.</p><p class="p1">Bolder now, she unfurled her legs and rose to meet him, taking the knife from his hands to set aside.She let her fingers brush against his, a first physical touch, and then slowly trailed up his wrist and his arm.<em>“Don’t mind that either,”</em> he whispered near her ear, his breath another sort of touch. </p><p class="p1"><em>Ordo</em> her fingers traced around the symbol on his flesh.His hand brushed her cheek.She wondered how those hands might feel roaming across her body. Her hands and mind danced across his skin.</p><p class="p1">There was just enough light to make out the something more than desire in his eyes that hers surely echoed.<em>“What do you want, Aoibhinn?” </em> He framed the question, but he must know the answer. Of course the damn man would make her say it. His hands still just barely brushed her face, waiting.</p><p class="p1"><em>“You.”</em>The line between her mind and her body blurred.Both hands touched, drifted, wanted, up to cup his face<em>.</em>His hands moved at her word - one teased the curve of her waist; the other wound through her braid.The warmth in her core turned to fire, burned through to fingers, melted into his own.<em>“I want you, Canderous Ordo,” </em>she murmured into the corner of his mouth. And then there was no gap to close, his lips on her own, gentle, then insistent. </p><p class="p1">For a while that was enough, the press of their lips and the press of their bodies, the way their tongues met and teeth nipped. Her fingers mapped his face, the scar above his eye, the stubble on his chin. He mouthed her neck, setting the fire in her core to blaze.Her hips ground eagerly into his, making them both curse with a wanting pleasure at the promise of playing out the teasing dance of the last months. </p><p class="p1">She needed then to touch more of his bare skin, shoved greedily at his shirt, pushing it up and off, pressed again with her hips.He moaned low into her hair as she kissed across his chest, sent her hands exploring, touching him in the ways her eyes had moved across his flesh before.His hands wanted, too, but he stopped for a moment, pulled back to look at her.<em>“You’re sure?”</em></p><p class="p1">That he’d asked, mattered, reminded her why she had waited, <em>do this right</em>.She answered with her true smile and a throaty sort of laugh, <em>“Very sure,” </em>and kissed him hard, drinking of the smell and taste of him. </p><p class="p1"><em>“Aoibhinn,”</em> his voice was low and husky, full of physical desire but something else, too, she thought.His hands went back to wanting, painfully slow at first, running down her sides, then slipping off her shirt, nudging down her pants. She worked at his belt in return, but he held her hands gently. <em>“I’ve waited for you,”</em> he was looking at her in that impossible way, running a single finger from her collarbone down the the edge of her hip,<em> “and mean to take my time.”</em>She shivered at his touch and words.<em>Gods, </em>he would have her undone with just that.</p><p class="p1">He grinned again at her reaction, held one hand firm behind her back as the other explored her breasts in turn, traced the scars on her chest and sides with a finger, watching her the whole time, those intense gray eyes wide with his wanting. His mouth followed his hands, running achingly slow down her neck and across her shoulders, murmuring her name as he went.</p><p class="p1">Then he was watching her again, those hands roaming; she bit her lip and tugged at his hair, tried to send her ghost fingers dancing while his fingers tickled lower, grazed across her hipbone, nudged at the crease of her thigh.Flickers of pleasure darted across his face at the quickening of her breath as he pulled her down to sit straddling his lap. </p><p class="p1">Her ghost fingers lost their grasp as his warm ones teased at her folds, then slipped inside.She was no maid, but the way he was watching her, the careful pace of his fingers moving just so…sensation took her in a way it never had before, the heat of his hand at her back and the grip of her hands on his shoulders the only things anchoring her to the world. She wanted to watch him watching her, but couldn’t hold her eyes open, was lost in his touch, knew she was moaning and bucking against his hand, was crying his name as she shuddered into him.</p><p class="p1">He held her as she caught her breath, his hand still firm against her back, the other gently rubbing at her thigh.And then, the damn man was chuckling, the grin back, even as he dipped to kiss her.<em>Stars,</em> there was something about how he did that, something in that look that made her feel her heat rising again despite her release.</p><p class="p1">She found enough of herself to wrap her arms to draw him closer, to run kisses up his throat, <em>“I still want you,</em>” her voice just a gasp. <em> “And you’re overdressed for it.” </em> At that he growled, let his composure slip just a bit.She pulled him up and took her time, slowly unworking his belt, running her palm across him before undoing his buttons, nipping gently at his neck and shoulders.<em>“I want you, inside of me,” </em>she whispered at his ear as he cursed and tried clumsy to rid himself of the rest of his clothes.It was her turn to watch as he flushed and swallowed hard, while she teased at him with her thumb.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Gods, woman.I’ll never last if you keep at that…”. </em>
</p><p class="p1"><em>“Then don’t wait.”</em> He pulled her back to his lap and she guided him inside, slow for a moment, struck again by an intense intimacy that made her heart race.Their foreheads rested together as she remembered to breathe, rocking slowly as they touched each other gently.Her legs wrapped around his waist, drawing him deeper as they kissed, fast and hard to match the now quicker rocking of their hips.The burning heat flared, like riding stars.They were not quiet when they finally shuddered into each other in rapid succession.</p><p class="p1">For for a few moments, they stayed entwined, panting and flushed. <em>“Fuck,</em>” he murmured into her ear.<em>“I need to lay down.” </em> She laughed at that, tried to wrap her legs even tighter, found them shaky, but didn’t want to let go. Normally after she just felt….done, wanted to leave, to not be touched.But now, she still wanted his touches, trailed her own lazy kisses down his neck and shoulder.Somehow he managed to carry her over to a bedroll and collapsed down beside her.  He was laughing, too.</p><p class="p1">They lay like that for a while, face-to-face, running fingers across bodies.“<em>I was right you know,” </em>she whispered.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“About?”</em>
</p><p class="p1">She laced her fingers through his.<em>“Your hands,” </em>she kissed at his fingers, <em>“they are rather good.”</em>And that was true, they had been…very good.But there was more to this wanting than just the physical release of a hard fuck. <em>This is a good thing</em>.<em>You could be happy, </em>that voice reminded her. <em>“And…”</em> she cocked a brow, <em>“you were worth the wait.”</em> </p><p class="p1"><em>“As were you,</em>” he rolled to straddle her, <em>“but now,”</em> he kissed her, mischief in his eyes, <em>“We’ve got catching up to do.”</em></p><p class="p1">A good thing indeed.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">She wanted to stay.He’d fallen asleep while their limbs were still tangled, drifted off tracing swirls across the small of her back.His steady heartbeat in her ear and warm breath in her hair beckoned her to sleep.<em>Why are you afraid?</em> </p><p class="p1">She let herself stay until her eyes began to flutter, then slowly slipped out of his embrace, stopping to brush a faint kiss on his forehead.Maybe he would dream of her; she hoped he would. The afterglow of his touches feathered across her skin as she slipped away.</p><p class="p1">There’d be no sleep for her, she knew.It hurt to know she could have just let herself stay, let herself sleep in the warmth of his arms, but the questions and nagging doubts drumming in her head wouldn’t let her. Maybe she could explain, tell him the few secrets she’d kept close.</p><p class="p1">Then it could be safe to want, to stay.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">******</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">She was gone.If not for the taste of her that lingered in his mouth, he’d wonder if the whole thing had just been some glorious dream. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">He found her sitting on the outcrop of rocks by the stream, knees drawn up, the early morning light playing off of her still-mussed braid. Funny how she so often sat like that, as though she was small and vulnerable, despite her strength. He resisted an urge to slip behind her and nuzzle the back of her neck, tangle his fingers in her hair and soothe away that little wisp of sadness that he sometimes noticed clinging to her.But he wasn’t sure she’d welcome it.What had it meant that she hadn’t stayed?Regret?</p><p class="p1">He settled for sitting beside her,leaving a careful gap, just in case.<em>“You’re up early.”</em>His gaze was cautious.</p><p class="p1">Her eyes stayed on the horizon, <em>“Wasn’t sleeping.Didn’t want to wake you.”</em>She shrugged and offered nothing more.</p><p class="p1">Normally, he liked their silences.They felt familiar, comfortable.But this…this felt like regret.He cursed himself for putting on nothing more than his trousers. Felt wrong now, too forward. Yet she’d seemed more than sure last night, and his own desire, well, that had been building for weeks at least. </p><p class="p1">He’d never been one for mincing words; no sense in starting now. He forced his voice to stay light, <em>“It was fun.Doesn’t have to….”</em></p><p class="p1"><em>“It was.Very, as I told you last night,”</em>she whispered, a grin blooming at the corner of her mouth.Damn.He wanted to kiss her.More than kiss her, wanted to learn every inch of her body as he’d started to the night before, needed to know what gave her pleasure, remembered the feel of her as she’d shuddered and moaned into him. </p><p class="p1">She continued, less softly, <em>“Really, I just don’t sleep much.You looked so content that I didn’t want disturb you.”</em></p><p class="p1"><em>“You could say I was pretty content,” </em>he huffed a laugh and grinned back, hoping to disguise his doubt and the wanting he reckoned was plain on his face.<em>“Wouldn’t have minded if…”</em>His words caught, because she was doing it again, touching without moving, that wicked little grin larger now. He suspected that the first time she’d done whatever she was doing had been unintentional, but the second time, and this…oh, she meant it. Sensations tickled up his bare back, across the nape of his neck, danced in his hair. If he’d not seen her hands still clasped around her knees, he’d have sworn her fingers were doing the dancing.Must have been wrong about regret then. Good.He held her eyes, not moving. <em>“Want to spar then?” </em> Meaning lay thick in his voice.</p><p class="p1">She bit her lip suggestively, <em>“mmm…something like that….could be more fun than sleeping.”</em></p><p class="p1">Ghostly tracers ran down his cheeks and jaw line, through the sparse hairs on his chest, echoing the paths her fingers had taken only hours before.He prided himself on his self-control, but the urge to slip his own hands to the soft skin exposed beneath the hem of her tank was almost too great.They may be well-matched sparring with blades, but in this game he felt distinctly disadvantaged.</p><p class="p1">When those ghost fingers slipped under the edge of his waistband to tease the top of his hips, he jumped to his feet and half-stumbled up the rock, breaking their contact.Damn, he did want to kiss her, wanted to bring her undone in the morning sun as he had under the stars.</p><p class="p1">She leaned back on her hands to look up at him, wide-eyed, <em>“Round one to me then?”</em> If she was trying to play innocent, she wasn’t being very convincing.He was reminded of their first sparring match on Taris, heard that same cocky challenge in her voice.</p><p class="p1"><em>“I don’t recall yielding,” </em>he managed to get out as he circled round to face her, trying to slow his pulse.Tactical error.He was now beneath her on the slope of the rock.She jumped to her feet, the incline putting them at eye level despite the inches he had on her.He jammed his hands in his back pockets.Reinforcements.</p><p class="p1">They were nearly touching now, close enough to feel her breath, <em>“What do you want, Canderous?”</em>Her voice was steady and direct, her eyes shone.</p><p class="p1">That was fair; he had asked her first.They were both teasing, he sensed, playing off of their mutual physical attraction.But there was a twinge in his gut that wondered if they weren’t also dancing around something deeper.Last night, she’d been unashamed to name her desire for him;he’d been quick to act on it.Why not? She was a beautiful woman, strong in battle, and quick of wit.They enjoyed each other’s company.Why not each other’s beds?<em>“I’m happy to show you, of course,” </em>he answered.</p><p class="p1">Strong, slender arms wrapped around his neck.<em>“Show me what, Canderous?”</em>She’d never called him by his first name until last night, when she’d said what she wanted; he wondered at what that meant, felt the twinge in his gut flaring. </p><p class="p1">In battle there are moments where everything stops, where you can see with sudden clarity how all the pieces will move, a moment that makes the way forward unmistakable.In this moment he knew that the twinge he felt was a hope for more.This woman was home and future and all that was good that thought he’d lost.He wanted her badly, and not just to bed.Could she want like that?</p><p class="p1">Well, they’d enjoy this part and sort out the rest later.Her question deserved an answer.He gave in to bring his hands to the bare skin at her waist, feeling the hitch of her breath as he did.Hands slid up the back of her shirt, drawing their bodies to press.<em>“This.”</em>He mouthed the edge of her jaw.<em>“This.” </em>He nipped at the curve of her neck.<em>“How I want you, Aoibhinn,” </em>he whispered in her ear.He hoped she felt the tenderness and hope of more under his desire as he waited for her move.</p><p class="p1">She pressed her forehead to his, one hand caressed the back of his neck, the other moved to lay above his heart.It was an intimate gesture among their people, something different than a kiss.She would know what it meant. She pulled away, but took his hand as she moved back to their camp.This time her smile was softer.But he knew he did not mistake the eddies of hot hunger in her eyes.</p><p class="p1">He followed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">The dream had changed as soon as they’d gotten to Dantooine.Instead of the ship and the explosion and the face of Bastila Shan, there was a stone doorway and a voice over his shoulder - <em>if we open this, we can never go back</em>.In the dream, his gloved hand nudged open a stone door, despite those words of warning, the dream self sure of the necessity of using whatever was within.The voice in the dream was so familiar, on the edge of his memory; if he could just pull a bit harder he would know the speaker. When he woke, the image of the face belonging to the voice had faded; only the sense that there was something wrong about it remained.</p><p class="p1">Aren didn’t bother trying to sleep again and instead wandered out to sit in the common area.The ship was quiet - the Mandalorians were out hunting; Mission and Zaalbar had stayed back at the enclave at Bastila’s invitation. Only he and Onasi had returned to sleep on the Hawk.</p><p class="p1">There must be a connection between this new dream and the dream of the explosion on the ship.Which had come first? His hands clinched as he groped in the darkness of his memories, the puzzle pieces falling through the blanks in his mind; he could remember nothing aside from the vaguest shadows.</p><p class="p1">No doubt Bastila’s Jedis would want to know about the dreams.They’d met with them briefly when they’d first arrived, just long enough for them to confirm what Bastila had told him en route, that he was strong in the Force. Some of them had tried to pry into his thoughts; he’d sensed it, a vague tickle at the edge of his consciousness, had slammed his mind shut without understanding what he was doing.He wondered what they’d managed to see - the blanks of his memory or the truth of who he was? Would they tell him?</p><p class="p1">In either case, they’d made clear they expected him to return when summoned, to learn if they intended to train him; he was unsure what he wanted them to have decided. </p><p class="p1">Onasi found him sitting at the table, a cold cup of untouched caf in front of him. “You look a little rough, this morning.Everything ok?”That same worried expression he’d had on Taris when Aren had first woken up after the crash clouded his face. </p><p class="p1">“I look that bad, huh?”Aren nodded to the seat across the table, hoping Onasi would join him.The man still felt like the most sure thing in his life, one known entity amongst the blanks.</p><p class="p1">Onasi sat, his own steaming cup in his hand.“I’ve seen better.”</p><p class="p1">“Dreams again.Couldn’t get back to sleep.Maybe I’m just nervous about this whole Jedi business.Or just tired of the unknown.”His hands relaxed around his cup.</p><p class="p1">“Understandable.I’m sure I’d feel the same if I couldn’t remember myself.”The older man regarded him carefully.“Is Dantooine familiar?”</p><p class="p1">Aren huffed a laugh.“No.You know something about this place I don’t?”</p><p class="p1">“Not really.But I couldn’t help but notice your face yesterday when we were at the enclave.”He sipped his caf, then spoke slowly.“You got the same look you’ve had when you’ve remembered something you can do.First saw it after you killed those Sith after you woke up after the crash on Taris.”</p><p class="p1">“You’ve been watching me, Onasi?”Aren tried to chuckle again, but found the sound stuck in his throat.The man was right about Aren’s reaction to the enclave.He’d not realized he’d made a face, but he’d felt some whisper at the back of his mind when they’d first entered the courtyard, <em>you know this place.</em> </p><p class="p1">“Didn’t make it this far as a solider without paying attention, Aren.”He paused, that worried look on his face again.“There was something else, too.”Aren’s fingers gripped his cup tighter again, half dreading what the man would say next.“You knew the layout of the enclave.We followed you when you went in to meet with the Council. You walked ahead of Bastila.”Onasi sat back and crossed his arms; Aren twisted his cup in his hands.“I’m positive you’ve been here before, specifically at the enclave.Your conscious mind might not remember but something in you did.I don’t know what the Jedi are up to, but I’m pretty sure Bastila is following their orders. Just doesn’t smell right to me.”</p><p class="p1">Onasi was right, he realized; he’d known where to go, could see clearly in his mind now the layout of the place, even the parts they’d not visited yesterday.He shut his eyes against the knowledge, trying to push deeper into the blank spaces to understand why.“Why was I on the Endar Spire?”</p><p class="p1">“I don’t know any more than I’ve already shared.I’m just a solider, Aren, not privy to Jedi business.”There was something bitter in his tone, Aren thought.“Did you ask Bastila?Seems she must know something, why you were on the Spire at the least.Not to mention her eagerness to get you here.”</p><p class="p1">“She hasn’t said.”Aren stopped there, slowly blinked his eyes open.He’d kept the dreams to himself still, unsure of their implications.That Bastila had failed to fill in his gaps despite her presence in the dreams made him wary of trusting.But he felt somehow a wave of Onasi’s intentions and motivations transmitting into his own consciousness, knew that his concern was real, his expressed misgivings genuine. Without knowing exactly why, Aren sensed that he needed an ally - and that Onasi could be trusted.“She’s been in my dreams, Bastila.”</p><p class="p1">Onasi chuckled, “Well, I guess maybe you…” his face shifted catching Aren’s different meaning.“What sort of dreams?The one from Taris?”He’d shared with Onasi the first version of that dream, the one with the ship and the explosion, when he’d first regained consciousness.The rest, he’d kept to himself.</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, it keeps changing though.Bastila was there, on the ship that exploded.Someone was trying to kill me, I’m sure of it.Maybe I did almost die, the explosion?”A sudden surge of anger boiled up from his gut, fueled by his frustration that the memory was just out of reach and his sense that Bastila knew more than she was saying.“I think it’s a memory, not a dream.And now that we are here, it’s changed again.There’s a place here, somewhere I wasn’t supposed to go, but I did.”</p><p class="p1">Onasi’s face was impassive, but his eyes crumpled with anxiety.“You think the Jedi have answers, Aren?”</p><p class="p1">“Maybe?Just not sure I can trust what they say.”</p><p class="p1">“Yeah, well,” Onasi leaned over the table.“I don’t.Not really.It’s complicated, you know, the war.The Mandalorians were slaughtering us and the Jedi wouldn’t come.And then, Revan and Malak rallied many to our cause.We’d not have won if they hadn’t.They were heroes to the Republic, saviors.And then,”he swallowed hard, his face twisted with an expression Aren had not seen him wear before, “then, they betrayed us.Not just Malachor but the war after, they turned on the very people they’d sworn to defend.So, no, I don’t trust the Jedi, Aren, and if you are asking my opinion, I’d suggest that you not either.”</p><p class="p1">There was some detail Onasi was still holding back, something spurring that hate on his face.“Why are you here, Onasi?”</p><p class="p1">“I’m a solider for the Republic.The Republic calls, I go.”</p><p class="p1">“That all?It’s that simple?”</p><p class="p1">“No.”That twisted expression deepened.“I’m from Telos.”Telos,Aran vaguely recalled it had been razed by Malak.There was some other knowledge there that drifted quickly out of reach of his recognition.“Telos.Malak destroyed Telos.Fired on unarmed civilians, bombed them, let it all burn.”Onasi was looking past him now, maybe at the memory of Telos in flames.“My wife and son were on Telos.I was too late.She died in my arms.Never found my boy.”</p><p class="p1">Aren held a breath, sensing again somehow Onasi’s emotion rippling towards him, felt his dangerous rage.“Onasi I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”</p><p class="p1">Onasi didn’t acknowledge that, just watched that distant place in his mind.“There were three people I wanted dead after that.Saul Karath, my old commander for betraying us and turning to the Sith.For being the one to pull the trigger on Telos.Malak for giving the order.And Revan for creating the whole damn situation to begin with.”He caught Aren’s eye then.“Revan’s dead; guess I’m supposed to thank Malak and Karath for that,” his laugh was harsh.“But they live still, Malak and Saul, and I will see them dead for what they did.”</p><p class="p1">He wondered if Onasi had shared more than he’d meant to, or if he intended his words to show solidarity.The whisper pushed at his mind, <em>you have answers</em>.“Maybe that’s where this is leading, stopping Malak.”And somehow he knew that was true, despite it not making sense.</p><p class="p1">Onasi stood then, shaking off the foul emotion that had overcome him.“You’d better go see what they want I think, the Jedi.Just be careful who and what you trust.”He clapped Aren’s shoulder briefly before walking away, leaving Aren staring into his cold caf, wondering about the nature of trust.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Hours later, Aren sat on the ramp of the Hawk, still contemplating Onasi’s revelation and the implications of his own dream.On Taris, it had been possible to let the need to find a way off world distract him from the frustration he felt at the emptiness of his memories.Here on Dantooine, the quiet amplified his confusion.How could one forget only the details of one’s own life, but not the bigger picture of the world around him?</p><p class="p1">Bastila’s clipped voice broke his thoughts.“Good day, Tal.I’ve come to fetch you back to the enclave.The masters have reached a decision and would like to speak with you.”Aren felt uncertainty radiating out from her, in the same way he’d picked up Onasi’s feelings earlier.Had he been doing that all along?Or was this another lost ability waking up within him?He kept those questions to himself.</p><p class="p1">“What did they decide?”</p><p class="p1">“I’m not privy to their decision making.I’ve only come to escort you.The Council believes our paths may be linked.”She was trying to sound assertive, but Aren heard doubt or possibly even fear - or perhaps it was just whatever he sensed her projecting.He looked at her then, feeling like he was seeing her clearly for the first time.Why this Jedi?Why had she been the one with him on the Endar Spire? </p><p class="p1">Suddenly, Aren had the distinct recognition that he was not in control of the situation, that something had been taken from him, that he was being used.Anger flared again from his core; the echo of Aoibhinn’s voice, <em>perhaps you will remember, </em>thrummed in his head.Another juxtaposition to work out, why he’d think of the Mandalorian and her cold eyes in the heat of his anger.</p><p class="p1">His lips curled in the smile that didn’t belong to Tal Aren.“Well, Bastila.Best not keep the masters waiting then.Perhaps they will be able to clear up some of my confusion.”</p><p class="p1">Bastila’s eyes widened as she clinched her jaw; Aren considered her reaction - another curiosity to parse later. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Onasi was correct in his observation that Aren knew his way around the enclave.He’d not noticed before, but now that it had been brought to his attention it was clear that he not only knew the layout, he knew details, like the sort of gear kept in the training room or the books and datapads he would find in the library.That was not information he was ready to share until he had a better sense of what it meant; instead, he was careful to follow Bastila and keep his unexpected awareness hidden.</p><p class="p1">The council chamber was familiar, too, but not the four faces around the room.The familiarity was vague though, more an impression than something tangible, a dormant instinct of a thing once known.He stood before the masters, feeling their stares, wondering why he cared what they thought. </p><p class="p1">Master Vandar spoke first, “Bastila tells us you have shared a vision, a vision of Revan and Malak in the ruins of Dantooine.”Oh?Bastila had failed to share that with him.So it wasn’t a dream of his memories then but vision of Revan and Malak.That made even less sense; he’d been sure that was his hand in the dream pushing open the door, another thought to keep to himself for now.</p><p class="p1">“I’m afraid Bastila didn’t share that news with me, Master Vandar.It is true I’ve had dreams since I woke on Taris, but I assumed they were the result of my injury.I’m afraid I don’t know what they mean.”He chose his words carefully.“I’m as surprised as I suppose you are to know that Bastila has been having the same visions.Do you know why?”</p><p class="p1">Aren watched the glances exchanged between the masters.Master Zhar answered the question,“It seems a bond developed between you and Bastila.Such things are rare, but not unheard of.”He smiled kindly as he continued.“We believe that this is not chance, but rather the will of the Force.Your shared vision suggests that the two of you are key to stopping Malak and the Sith.A heavy task to be sure.”</p><p class="p1">The masters explained the rest in measured tones.They believed that he and Bastila must find and investigate the ruins of their vision, believed that Revan and Malak had found something in that forbidden place that had hastened their fall.If they could determine what that was, they may have a clue towards stopping Malak’s advance. </p><p class="p1">Bastila said nothing as they talked, just sat watching him carefully from the other side of the room.He wondered if she felt his irritation through this supposed bond or if the thing would give her insight into the blanks in his mind.More questions for later when they were away from the masters’ watchful eyes.</p><p class="p1">“The dark side is not easy to resist, Tal Aren.Many a Jedi has fallen to its allure.”Master Vrook’s face had none of Zhar’s softness.“We sense that the Force runs through you strongly, perhaps as strongly as any we have seen.But we also sense you are willful and headstrong, qualities that must be tamed if you are to remain in the light.”</p><p class="p1">More news to him.Good to know he had such qualities since he hardly knew himself.</p><p class="p1">Moments passed as the masters regarded him carefully.A vibrating hum rattled in his bones, as though their thoughts were just on the edge of his perception.Finally Vandar spoke, “We will train you, Tal Aren, train you in the ways of the Jedi.Then you must take up this task.The Force has spoken through your visions, has set your path.”</p><p class="p1">Funny how that was phrased as a command, despite Vandar’s calm voice.They clearly expected that he would say yes, that he would not question their ideas about the “will of the Force.”Aren stilled his rattling heart, forced himself to meet each of their gazes in turn before he answered.That earlier feeling - <em>you are being used - </em>flashed again in his head.Perhaps that was true.But also true was that playing the game was likely to help fill the blanks of his mind.</p><p class="p1">“I accept.”They did not seem pleased to see the grin on his face.“I accept this mission and your Jedi training.I am but a humble servant of the light.”Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bastila flinch.Noted.More to ponder later.</p><p class="p1">“Very well,” Vandar nodded.“Return to your ship and inform your crew.We will expect your return in the morning.”With that he was dismissed. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Bastila followed him out.“Tal, please, wait.”</p><p class="p1">“You care to explain why you didn’t say something about the dream?”His words came out more harshly than he intended.</p><p class="p1">“I…I’m sorry.The masters asked me not to.”</p><p class="p1">“They asked you to lie?”</p><p class="p1">Bastila shook her head and frowned.“No, they simply suggested that we wait to discuss our shared vision in their presence.They were worried at how you might react when you learned of our…bond.”</p><p class="p1">Aren thought for a bit before replying.There was a part of him that considered walking away.Perhaps just taking the ship and running.No doubt the Mandalorians would be willing to assist him with that.Another piece of him wanted to find the entryway of his dream, that stone door that hid some deep secret that apparently Malak knew.But neither option alone would tell him who he was.Perhaps this bond with Bastila held answers.</p><p class="p1">“I understand Bastila.” He flashed Tal Aren’s friendly smile.“We…this is, well, odd for both of us. I understand why you wanted to consult with your council.”She seemed to relax a bit at that.“Just, can we agree to not hold secrets from each other moving forward?I need to know that you trust me - and that I can trust you.”Onasi’s words from earlier in the day echoed in his mind - <em>be careful who and what you trust</em>. </p><p class="p1">Bastila smiled faintly.“Of course.We must work together.The Force wills it so.And Malak must be stopped.”</p><p class="p1">“We will stop him.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">The Mandalorians had just returned from their hunting excursion, apparently a successful one given their mood.Aren might just be relearning what he knew about human nature, but the subtle glances the two exchanged constantly were rather telling; he hunched that they’d played out their flirtations on the plains of Dantooine.</p><p class="p1">They most often spoke to each other in Mando’a, a language he found he understood perfectly.That shouldn’t be much of a surprise really; on Taris it had been clear that he was fluent in many tongues.And yet, there was something about the rhythms of this language that dug at him.Maybe just another remnant from the war.</p><p class="p1">“Aoibhinn, can I have a word?”Ordo raised a brow at the request, but carried on inside, leaving the two of them alone. </p><p class="p1">“I’m listening.” </p><p class="p1">He’d swear her eyes could see into the blanks of his mind.“So, apparently the Jedi wish to train me.”Why he wanted her to know this, he wasn’t quite sure.Of course, he also wasn’t sure why she and Ordo had not taken off at the first opportunity.Surely there was little to interest either of them here on Dantooine.And they’d been clear on Taris that the alliance between them and the rest of his companions was one borne out of convenience and need, not something meant to last.</p><p class="p1">“So they want to turn you into one of them, huh?Thought they only took kids to train?”</p><p class="p1">“Apparently I’m a special case.Have you considered going to talk to them?”</p><p class="p1">“Now you sound like Bastila.”She shook her head.“I’m Mandalorian, Aren.I’ve no interest in learning Jedi ways.”</p><p class="p1">It was obvious though.“The Force flows in you as it does in me.”He let her sit with that.“The weapons at your waist, where did they come from?”She’d told him before not to ask.</p><p class="p1">“They were my mother’s.” </p><p class="p1">He’d not expected an answer.That she’d spoken true was clear, both from the look on her face and the wave of emotion he felt rippling away from her.Still, to press further now would be folly.“I see.”Her hands rested on the hilts of her sabers - a threat?Or merely unconscious movement?“Before, on the Hawk, you said perhaps I would remember.What did you mean by that?What do you know?”</p><p class="p1">Her cold eyes held his gaze.“Only what the words mean, Tal Aren, that perhaps you will remember the things you have forgotten.”Her lips curled just slightly.“Not sure why you’d imagine I could help you with that.We’ve only just met.”</p><p class="p1">That wasn’t true though; he’d stake his life on it despite not knowing why.“I think we have met before Taris.”If the assertion affected her, it didn’t show.But he felt her again then, just as he had the others before, something rough and untamed, yet familiar as though it were his own essence.He returned her hard grin.“I’ve not remembered just yet, Aoibhinn Fett, but I believe I will.In the war perhaps?As enemies?I think you know.”</p><p class="p1">Her eyes sparked.“Hmm…perhaps.Perhaps you did not show your face and thus I do not recognize you now.Let me know if you remember though.I’m most interested.”</p><p class="p1">There was no way she’d have insight about his dream.Even so, some impulse nudged him to explain.“I’ve had this dream, apparently Bastila has had the same one.The council believes it to be a vision, that the Force is speaking through us to offer a way to stop Malak.”Her brow raised at that, but she said nothing, so he continued.“What I don’t understand is the nature of this vision.Why do I dream about Revan and Alek, here on Dantooine?”</p><p class="p1">“Alek?”</p><p class="p1">“What? Oh, Malak, right.”Why had he misspoken?And why had her eyes shifted when he had?“It’s strange though, right?”</p><p class="p1">Her eyes narrowed as though she were considering carefully her next words.“I’m not sure that Dantooine doesn’t affect us somehow.I’ve noticed, strange new abilities?Like something inside of me wants to awaken but doesn’t know how.”He thought maybe there was a flash of uncertainty on her face.“It is possible that the same has happened to you, some awakening of something that has caused your dream or vision.”The smirky grin returned. “Or perhaps, you are just starting to remember.”</p><p class="p1">He was sure now that it had been his hand opening the door in the dream.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks to Uncanny_Valley_Girl for the excellent beta!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">Dantooine had thus far exceeded his expectations.It had been good to be under the open sky again, hunting tough game, sleeping in the rough, and, well, there was much to be pleased about concerning Aoibhinn.The waiting had been well worth it.</p><p class="p2">Once back on the Hawk they’d sorted and stowed their gear, showered, and eaten - all ordinary things somehow made intimate by Aoibhinn’s presence. There had been no discussion about sleeping arrangements, but she’d made clear with her actions that she meant to share his bed.Yet, as before, she was gone from his side when he woke, instead sat cross-legged on the floor, eyes closed in concentration.He’d worried again at the meaning of that until she’d come back to him and kissed him dizzy, sliding her body alongside his.</p><p class="p2">They were still lazing in bed when Onasi barged in the garage.“Hey, Ordo, you here? I’m looking for a….”</p><p class="p2">Guess they should have locked the door. </p><p class="p2">“Shit, sorry….” he stammered and hurried out. </p><p class="p2"><em>“Suppose you should see what he wants.</em>” Aoibhinn gave him a final kiss before rising to dress.<em>“We might have scarred the poor man.”</em></p><p class="p2">
  <em>“I’m sure he’s fine.Not sure I care if he isn’t.”</em>
</p><p class="p2"><em>“Play nice.”</em> She laid a finger on his chin.<em>“I’ll be back in a bit.”</em></p><p class="p2">
  <em>“Where are you going?”</em>
</p><p class="p2"><em>“Just for a walk.”</em>Canderous couldn’t help feeling slightly confused; she’d been smiling and hadn’t seemed embarrassed about Onasi’s intrusion, nor had she been shy about their coupling, yet something weighed on her. </p><p class="p2">Tal Aren, he suspected.When they’d returned, they’d learned he meant to train as a Jedi, or rather Aoibhinn had.Although he now felt certain that Aoibhinn’s interest in Aren wasn’t romantic, he had wondered at the man’s request to speak with her alone. She’d not mentioned it, but he sensed Aoibhinn had questions about whatever it was she could do; maybe, Aren offered answers.</p><p class="p2">Or maybe she really did just want to go for a walk.He tried to shake his doubts.</p><p class="p2">Turned out Onasi had in mind some improvements on the Hawk, just not fixing the damn hyperdrive.There were no decent mechanics around so they did the work themselves.Neither of them were particularly expert but between them, they knew enough to get the job done.And Onasi seemed as content to work largely in silence as he was, for a while at least.</p><p class="p2">“So…you and Aoibhinn, huh?”</p><p class="p2">“What about it?”</p><p class="p2">“Just a little surprised is all.”</p><p class="p2">Canderous snorted, “Not sure what’s surprising.She’s a beautiful woman.”That wasn’t the half of it, but he wasn’t sure he felt like providing an explanation.</p><p class="p2">Onasi had stopped his work, was looking at him with some sort of amused expression.“Guess I wasn’t speculating on your interest.I’m mean….never mind….none of my business.”And, yeah, it wasn’t.But Canderous was feeling annoyed enough to push him on his point.</p><p class="p2">“No, but you’ve got some sort of something to say about it, don’t you?”</p><p class="p2">“You’re what, twice her age?” </p><p class="p2">“You credit me with too many years and her with too few,” he glared.“In any case, as you said, not your business.”</p><p class="p2">“Yeah, sorry.”They went back to work, then Onasi added with a bit of a laugh, “At least lock the damn door though.” He didn’t poke further.</p><p class="p2">The man probably didn’t realize he’d hit a sore spot, but he had. Canderous wondered if hishesitation in pursuing Aoibhinn hadn’t been because of the the age gap between them.True, he’d been seasoned in battle when she’d been a babe in arms, but she was no foolish, starry-eyed girl.And neither of them had made a secret of their years. Had she not silenced his doubts just that morning?</p><p class="p2">Maybe his worry was something else altogether, some fear that he might not live up to what she expected of him.He tried to bite it back and continued his work.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">He’d not heard Aoibhinn come in, but did feel the arms that wrapped around him from behind, the playful kisses that grazed at his ear and down his neck.</p><p class="p2"><em>“You’re back then?”</em> </p><p class="p2"><em>“I could leave again if you want.”</em>Her kisses continued.</p><p class="p2">He laughed, <em>“Yeah, you leaving is not what I want.I could….” </em></p><p class="p2">His words were cut off by the sudden touch of her cool hands on the bare skin of his back as she pushed up his shirt, ran her hands around to graze up his chest.She was doing the thing with her mind again, too, sending ghostly fingers teasing at his hair and cheeks.Despite her reassuranceshe still wondered if accepting this advance might be pressing his luck.Onasi’s question still nagged at him, too.Maybe he was right. </p><p class="p2">
  <em>“I just want you to be sure.”</em>
</p><p class="p2"><em>“Do I not seem sure?”</em>She was nipping at the gap between his shirt and bare skin.<em>“Are you not?”</em></p><p class="p2">At that he had to laugh again; he’d wanted her since Taris, hadn’t he?Wanted her now in so many ways.<em>“Just checking.You were gone for quite a while, figured you had plenty of time to think.”</em></p><p class="p2">The ghost fingers still played at his face as she pulled away to stand between him and the workbench.<em>“I was thinking.”</em>That true smile was on her face, a glint of mischief crinkling the corners of her eyes.<em>“I was thinking about you.And about this.”</em>The ghost fingers paused, then a single one drew across his lips.<em>“About how I want this.Want you.”</em>She paused seeing his frown. <em>“I don’t do things I don’t want to do.” </em></p><p class="p2">That was true, wasn’t it?He could still feel her touch at his lips even though she was standing in front of him, arms crossed, hands tucked underneath.<em>“How do you do that?The…” </em>he waved his fingers, not knowing how to call it.</p><p class="p2"><em>“This?”</em>She sent them racing across his chest and the tops of his hips, looking at him with that smile the whole time, leaving him weak in the knees, and, well, more than a little aroused. He managed to nod.</p><p class="p2">She laughed, replaced the ghost hands with her real ones.<em>“I have absolutely no idea.It’s never happened before the other night.I was just thinking about touching you and….well…you felt what I was thinking."</em></p><p class="p2"><em>“Jedi tricks?”</em>His hands wrapped around hers, pulling them to his lips.</p><p class="p2"><em>“I’m sure there’s some explanation, Force manipulation of air currents or something.But truly I have no idea how I figured out how to do it.”</em>Her face fell just a bit.<em>“I told you before, I don’t really know how to use it, the Force.I can pull on something when I fight if I want.Sometimes can do what you saw on Taris, and I know things…visions I guess…but…really it’s just this thing that’s there that I can’t fully touch, can’t control.”</em></p><p class="p2">The frustration in her voice worried him, a thing he wanted to fix.<em>“Maybe it’s Dantooine?Being near other Jedi woke something in you?”</em></p><p class="p2">Her face brightened again.<em>“Or maybe I was just feeling rather inspired.Who knows what I’ll learn with practice….” </em>She trailed off into a slow, deep kiss, pressing into him, wrapping her arms to pull him closer.So she was sure.He vowed to stop his worry at her intentions.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">****</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">Aoibhinn had been truthful in telling Canderous she’d thought about him as she’d wandered the plains around the enclave, had thought about their time together hunting and the night they’d shared back on the Hawk.Whatever had been blooming between them was something new and unfamiliar; that she wanted to keep things going, enjoyed his company in and out of bed - those were new feelings she wasn’t yet sure what to make of aside from knowing she wanted to pursue them.</p><p class="p2">What she’d not mentioned to him was that she had also puzzled over her last exchange with Tal Aren: the meaning of his dream and the implications of the Jedi’s decision to train him.She wondered, too, if she could evade the council completely while on Dantooine, and if she even wanted to.Perhaps they could tell her something about her own abilities; abilities that, as Canderous had noted, seemed to be bubbling ever more to the surface.That she could somehow now touch him through the Force delighted her as he did seem to like it.But it was equally terrifying, a thing she couldn’t explain or fully control.</p><p class="p2">Part of her longed to confide in Canderous, to explain her worry at the present and the mysteries of her past, her uncertainty about the things she could do.As she’d walked aimlessly across the plains, she’d realized how deep her trust of him ran.But the other part of her worried that he’d leave if she did tell him everything, that she had too much baggage to expect him to bother unpacking.Perhaps that was her real hesitation in not allowing herself to fall asleep in his arms despite what she wanted; if he knew her whole truth, would he stay?</p><p class="p2">These thoughts made her restless despite hours of roaming, an activity that normally helped still her mind.So she shut herself in the garage and tried to meditate. </p><p class="p2"><em>Calm yourself; find your center</em>.Her mother’s voice, echoes of the only lesson about the Force she had ever taught her children.</p><p class="p2">She now understood that her mother imagined meditation might keep her safe, could help her to control the thing within her that she didn’t understand. She also realized her mother had been afraid, afraid of her own children or at least afraid for them.It was hard not to wonder now if she’d known, if she’d had visions, too, if she had seen what her children would become.</p><p class="p2">As she tried to still her mind, to reach for the strands around her, she could hear her mother’s words, see her face - <em>you are reaching for the Force; it binds all living things</em> -see her faint smile of pride at the three small faces, quieted as they tried hard to focus.But she couldn’t think.Or rather she couldn’t stop thinking, felt her anger and confusion whirling. </p><p class="p2">If she could remember everything about her encounter with Revan and Malak, maybe that would help clear at least her most immediate question.Her eyes closed….</p><p class="p2"><em>My stars. </em> Her father’s voice, when it had still had joy.<em>Be mindful of your opponent’s moves.Always stay a step ahead.</em>The warmth of this memory washed over her, a safe place to go.</p><p class="p2">They were learning to fight, just with sticks, playing really.Their brother was good, but so were they, and they were two to his one; they would win, even though he always thought he knew best. By the end, all three were laughing, having lost the seriousness of the lesson.</p><p class="p2"><em>Your mother is waiting, come.</em>Father smiled, too, a soft spot always for his children, his stars.</p><p class="p2">Memories are fickle, ephemeral.Suddenly, the warmth was gone, the stars were lost;only Aoibhinn was left.<em>I will teach you to fight so that you do not fear anything.You will learn to use your gifts, Aoibhinn.A true warrior.</em>The blades had blazed and clashed, her father’s eyes hurt and cold.The fear of the girl in the past rose in the throat of the woman in the present.</p><p class="p2"><em>I can’t control what I don’t understand</em>.Was that the girl or the woman who spoke?</p><p class="p2">Her father had insisted.<em>I will not have you fail, Aoibhinn.</em>In the memory she’d lunged, striking as hard as her small arms allowed, her face a mirror of her father’s - anger and anguish.The girl had learned.</p><p class="p2">But the woman knew there was more to know: secrets buried in the mind of a man who couldn’t remember, lost stars wandering the galaxy to find, abilities within herself to unlock.</p><p class="p2">All of it just out of reach.</p><p class="p2">With a scream of frustration, she hurled a saber at the wall.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">*****</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">The saber slammed into the wall right as Canderous entered the garage.<em>“Guess you don’t want to talk then?”</em> Aoibhinn looked up from where she was sitting cross-legged on the floor, shame on her face.</p><p class="p2"><em>“Shit, sorry, I…I didn’t know you were there.</em>”He picked up the saber, turned it over in his hand.It was lighter than he’d expected; simple, yet finely crafted.</p><p class="p2">He sat down in front of her, offered her the saber back. <em>“You ever use these?Aside from throwing them at walls?” </em>He aimed to keep his voice light, hoped to ease her foul mood.</p><p class="p2"><em>“Not in years, since Malachor.” </em>He wondered about that but didn’t ask.She’d tell him when she was ready.She still held the other saber, laid it beside the one he held.<em>“They were my mother’s.She never wore them, never used them.Not after ….”</em>She stood and paced to the wall, leaving him sitting with both sabers in his hands.<em>“I want….I want to explain, but I need….”</em>Her shoulders heaved in frustration and she leaned her forehead against the metal bulkhead as though she wanted to hide from her thoughts. </p><p class="p2">He left the sabers and went to her, moving slowly in case his comfort was unwanted; he couldn’t help but remember the way her fingers had twined in his on Taris, a comfort of a different sort. As he gently touched her shoulders, she pressed ever so slightly into his palms.Encouraged by that, he circled her with his arms, pulled her close, and whispered her name into her hair.She sank into his embrace, laid her hands on his own, leaned her head back against his shoulder.They stood that way in silence as her breathing calmed.</p><p class="p2">Finally, she twisted around in his arms to face him, brushed a hand across his cheek and kissed him, just barely.<em>“Will you walk with me?”</em></p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">They walked for an hour, mostly in silence, a different direction than they’d gone while hunting.They’d brought no gear other than their weapons; she’d returned the sabers to her waist.Her fingers laced in his as they walked, a simple gesture he hoped signaled her trust. </p><p class="p2">She stopped in one of the semi-sheltered places made by the rock outcrops that littered the plains.<em>“I need you to see first.”</em>He still wasn’t sure what she meant.<em>“Take it.” </em>She held out one of the sabers. </p><p class="p2">“<em>Why?”</em>He hesitated.</p><p class="p2"><em>“Take it.”</em>He couldn’t refuse what she was asking.<em>“Have you used one before?”</em></p><p class="p2">He tried to laugh, <em>“Can’t say I’ve had the opportunity, no.”</em></p><p class="p2">She ignited the saber she still held, swung it lightly between them.The blade hummed; a pulse of energy passed through the air.<em>“It’s different than a metal blade, lighter.But you’ll do fine; you know how to fight like your weapon is a part of you.”</em>The blue glow of the blade reflected in her eyes.<em>“That’s what it’s like when I fight, you know, like I am the weapon.”</em>She stepped back a few paces, took a ready stance.<em>“Ignite it.”</em></p><p class="p2">The damn woman meant him to spar with her using this Jedi weapon he didn’t even know how to turn on. He’d be lucky if he didn’t take his own hand with the thing.<em>“Aoibhinn, I’m not sure that’s the best idea.Wanna show me how to use it first?”</em></p><p class="p2">
  <em>“I am showing you.Ignite it, feel how it moves.Strike when you are ready.”</em>
</p><p class="p2">He flicked the switch as he’d watched her do, and jolted in surprise as the blade ignited.She was right about the weight being different.He swung it experimentally as she watched, waiting for his strike.<em>“I don’t want to hurt you because I don’t know how to use the damn thing, Aoibhinn.”</em></p><p class="p2"><em>“You won’t hurt me.I trust you.”</em>Was that what this was about then, trust?She added, <em>“And I’m good.”</em>There was no cockiness in her voice as there had been the first time they’d sparred, just matter-of-factness, maybe even a little sadness.<em>“Just strike.”</em></p><p class="p2">Cursing under his breath, he took a few more test swings, sensing better now how the blade moved.He met her eyes before he struck, giving one last opportunity for her to stop him.She didn’t move.He charged.</p><p class="p2">It wasn’t an impressive fight in the least.He was awkward, hesitant even; she fended his blows with ease, could have quickly pressed her advantage if she cared to.Her claim of skill had not been hollow; she was good, maybe even better than she was with her beskad.<em>I am the weapon,</em> she’d said<em>.</em>He wished he had the skill to truly test her.</p><p class="p2">They were both sweaty and winded when she called it quits, flicked off her saber, and sat against a rock, staring up at the sky. He sat beside her, letting their elbows touch.<em>“Wanna tell me what that was about?”</em></p><p class="p2">There was a long silence before she spoke.<em>“My mother had been a Jedi before she met my father, sort of.I’m not sure really.I don’t remember her talking about it and certainly my father never did.I think maybe she was older when they found her.Anyway, she fought with Exar Kun.That’s how she met my father.”</em>She paused, looked at the weapon still in her hand<em>.“I don’t know why she stopped wearing them, but I never saw her do it.She kept them in a box, all wrapped up, hidden.We found them once.Probably a miracle we didn’t hurt ourselves,” </em>she laughed a bit.</p><p class="p2">
  <em>“We?” </em>
</p><p class="p2">She kept watching the sky.<em>“I had a twin sister, Meabh, and an older brother, Cathal.I was six, I guess, wasn’t long before…”</em>Her jaw clenched at the memory. <em>“Anyway, my mother found us before we managed any damage.She and my father argued about it later.Maybe the only time I remember them fighting.”  </em>Her eyes closed then, her face tipped up to the sun.</p><p class="p2"><em>“You don’t have to keep going, Aoibhinn.”</em>He wanted to touch her, to hold her, to push away the bitter memories that twisted across her face. </p><p class="p2"><em>“I know.But I want you to hear.I need you to.”</em>As she wrestled with her truths, her eyes blazed angry and confused; he risked touching her face, and felt her soften just a bit.In response, she took his hand in hers, kissed it lightly, and pulled it to her lap before she continued.<em>“Not long after that my mother was killed; they took my siblings.”</em>She offered no further detail, but held her gaze steady on him; his fingers tightened just slightly around her own.<em>“After, my father promised to keep me safe, to teach me how to fight.We mourned for a week.Then he took me out and gave me one saber and took the other.Told me to strike.”</em>She inhaled deeply.<em>“We trained every day until I could beat him.”</em></p><p class="p2">Children in the clans were taught to fight young, but not as Aoibhinn described, with deadly weapons at only six.He remembered giving his own boy playful lessons with a training blade at that age, a happy memory.Cassus Fett was an intimidating man, feared by even the most hardened warriors.To imagine a tiny Aoibhinn, so newly alone and surely afraid, facing down her father with a weapon she had no idea how to wield…he wasn’t sure what to say, thought maybe he understood what she was trying to show him before.<em>“Why?”</em>He rubbed her hand with his thumb to convey what his words didn’t.</p><p class="p2"><em>“Because she’d told him she was afraid, afraid of what we would become because of the Force that ran within us.That’s part of what they argued about that time.He wanted her to teach us, something, anything about how to…how to use it.But she only ever taught us to meditate, said we had to control it, hide it.I think my father thought that if he pushed me hard enough that I’d figure it out.And he wasn’t wrong in a way.”</em> </p><p class="p2">She smiled sadly and continued,<em>“I feel it when I fight…the Force. I learned to use it to fight, to win, to beat him, to beat anyone.Had to.He put me up against the best, every weapon.Every day.Most of my scars aren’t from battle, you know.”</em>She paused again and then answered the question he’d thought but hadn’t asked.<em>“I don’t hate him for it.He loved me and did the only thing he knew how.And it did make me strong. It’s how I learned to draw on the Force to be faster, to anticipate how my opponent will move.I don’t lose when I do that, not in a long time.”</em></p><p class="p2">He smiled a bit at the implication of her last words. <em>“I take it then you’ve not drawn on it when we’ve sparred, however that works.”</em></p><p class="p2">
  <em>“I’ve only ever fought you fair, Canderous.” </em>
</p><p class="p2"><em>“It’s not unfair to use your gifts; I told you before I don’t understand it, but it is just a part of who you are, little different than how I might best you with my size.”</em>Sensing the source of at least part of her unease, he added,<em>“There’s no shame in that.”</em></p><p class="p2"><em>“Maybe.” </em> Her fingers tightened on his.<em>“But when I do…it makes me forget how to be afraid, how to feel anything….because a weapon doesn’t feel; sometimes I think I will forget how to feel forever….or maybe I’ve already forgotten.”</em></p><p class="p2">There was a pleading in her eyes then, a deep sort of hurt that he wasn’t sure how to mend but wanted to badly. He leaned close, brought their faces nearly to touch, laid his hand back on her cheek. <em> “I do not think you have forgotten how to feel.”</em>And that was true.Had she not shown him so through her actions?He remembered, too, the hurt in her eyes after they’d confronted that sorry woman on Taris, a shame and fear he saw echoed in her now.</p><p class="p2">Her hands ran through his hair, as she pulled him even closer.<em>“Maybe not.” </em>Her eyes burned, her next words barely a whisper.“<em>You make me feel many things, Canderous Ordo.</em>”His pulse raced at her words, the way she was looking at him, the feel of her hands threading through his hair, the feel of her under his own.</p><p class="p2">All his words felt inadequate.<em>“You are a woman, Aoibhinn, not a weapon. A warrior, yes, and a damn fine one.But you have a mind and a will of your own.”</em>He held her firm, hoping the weight of his touch matched the intent of his words.</p><p class="p2">He thought maybe the dark cloud in her eyes lifted as a soft smile ghosted across her face.<em>“How do you always know what to say?”</em></p><p class="p2">
  <em>“I don’t.”</em>
</p><p class="p2"><em>“You do.” </em>She ran a finger to his lips. <em> “But I will try harder to leave you speechless.”</em></p><p class="p2">He knew she was trying now to shift his attention, no doubt exhausted from what she had already shared.So he honored her choice, let himself be led, kissed gently at her finger, down her palm, and across her wrist.</p><p class="p2">She laughed softly. “It’s<em> getting late and we’ve not eaten.Should we go back?”</em></p><p class="p2"><em>“That can wait, I think, for just a bit.”</em>He stopped kissing up her arm long enough to give a playful glance.</p><p class="p2"><em>“It can.”</em>By the time he reached her neck, she was laughing in earnest.</p><p class="p2">Later they walked back in the starlight, hands laced as they had been before, their silence easier this time.There was something in her story that puzzled him, though, something she wasn’t yet ready to tell.She’d said her siblings were lost, not dead, said that the Force flowed in them as in her.Did they walk among the living still?Did she know?</p><p class="p2">Like the other things she kept close, he trusted that she would tell him in time. </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">“Good morning, Tal.The Masters have asked that I show you to the crystal cave so that you might find crystals appropriate for your lightsabers.”</p><p class="p1">Bastila stood in the doorway of the training room, wearing that anxious sort of expression she’d had the last few times they’d spoken.Her uncertainty pulled at Tal through their bond, too; maybe it was the most recent iteration of their shared dream making her ill-at-ease. There was something behind that stone door, something that he’d found before, that the council needed him to find again.Whatever it was made them nervous though, as Bastila’s reactions made clear.</p><p class="p1">He’d hardly seen Bastila since the start of his training; she was spending much of her time in isolation, meditating on something it seemed.He couldn’t help but feel she was holding back, that she knew the meaning of the dreams.</p><p class="p1">“Was beginning to think you were avoiding me, Bastila.”Aren flashed his warmest smile, the one that he now understood didn’t belong to him at all.“Of course, Zhar and Dorak have kept me rather busy with training.And perhaps you’ve had more interesting things to do.”</p><p class="p1">“I do not know that interesting is the correct word to use, Tal.Jedi meditations and study require focus and are to be taken seriously.”Her eyes danced nervously around as she spoke.</p><p class="p1">He kept his smile and nodded.“Didn’t mean to imply otherwise.In any case, it’s a pleasure as always and I look forward to our adventure.Meet you outside?”</p><p class="p1">Bastila nodded curtly and scampered away.Interesting that she’d said nothing about the new dream, to him anyway.No doubt she’d told the Masters.</p><p class="p1">Aren’s false smile faded as he considered the implications. The dream had begun as the last had ended, the gloved hand pushing open the stone door, the hand he knew with certainty was his. New to the dream was what was beyond the door, frustratingly vague but something that glowed with potential, some key to secret knowledge.Both Bastila and the council had interpreted the first dream as a vision of Revan and Malak.If that was true, Aren wasn’t sure what that meant for his certainty that it was his own memory.True he didn’t know anything of his past still, but he wasn’t Malak since Malak was off on his reign of terror, and he wasn’t Revan as Revan was dead.Unless….</p><p class="p1">But that was simply too absurd to be true. </p><p class="p1">There was surely some other explanation he just hadn’t stumbled upon yet.Maybe he had been with Revan and Malak, had gone with them into that place in the dream, perhaps had even fought with them in the war.In any case, the council knew more than they were saying, and Aren was starting to share Onasi’s distrust of their intentions.</p><p class="p1">Whatever they were after, playing their game seemed the only path to unlocking his truths, so Aren went along with the Jedi training.</p><p class="p1">From the little he’d been able to speak with others in the enclave, it appeared his was an exceptional case; most had been there since they were very young, training for years in history and philosophy and basics of Force use before progressing to the use of sabers or advanced techniques.For Aren, those lessons had come in rapid succession; it was almost like he knew what Zhar wanted to hear about the Jedi Code before he asked, knew the basic lightsaber forms before Dorak showed him.</p><p class="p1">Given the dream and the increasing frequency of moments of familiarity, he assumed that he had trod these paths before. </p><p class="p1">Remarkable, though, that no one had slipped to tell him so, although the Masters were doing their best to keep him from the other trainees.His own inquiries about their decision to take him on and rush him through the training were met with only vague answers of <em>you are an exceptional case</em>.</p><p class="p1">After the first few weeks, the council had started sending him out on errands, a strange jumble of tasks - helping find a lost droid, negotiating a family feud, investigating a murder. The tasks themselves seemed inconsequential, tiny bits of the galaxy that hardly mattered in the grand scheme of things.Still, they interested Aren in that he felt the thing inside of him waking a bit more as he worked through them, waking because instead of feeling new, his ability to use the Force felt like something he’d always known, something that merely had been hidden in the fog of his lost memories.</p><p class="p1">That was a puzzle too, of course, that his memories were still not returning.If the Masters or Bastila had insights, they didn’t say. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">For a landscape seemingly as basic as that of Dantooine, there were a surprising number of ways to get lost amongst the rocks and tall grass.Bastila led the way. The path they took was a new one, yet Aren’s inner voice whispered, <em>you know this way well. </em></p><p class="p1">He found himself missing the rest of the Hawk crew as they walked.Strange to consider them a crew given the short time they’d spent together, but the thought came instinctively. Mission and Zaalbar had accompanied him on some of his errands in the last few weeks.He’d been glad for the girl’s cheerful chatter and the quiet loyalty of the Wookie; they felt centering somehow.Onasi and the Mandalorians he’d seen mostly only in passing since his training had begun.It was strange they still stuck around and yet, it felt right that they had.</p><p class="p1">Aren sensed her before he saw her, that chilly maelstrom tangling in his awareness.Aoibhinn. It grated on him that he didn’t understand his connection to her, especially as their last conversation had made him sure there was one. That she happened to be here now, and alone at that….perhaps it was the ”will of the Force” as the masters would say.<em>Someone else used to say that, too.</em></p><p class="p1">“Pleasant surprise to run into you, Aoibhinn.”</p><p class="p1">She looked at him lazily, that cocky grin on her face.“Not such a surprise, really.Perhaps your Force willed it.Or maybe there are only so many paths to walk around here.” </p><p class="p1">Aren laughed at that, amused by the possibility she’d somehow been reading his thoughts. “Care to join us?Going hunting for lightsaber crystals.”</p><p class="p1">Bastila sniffed, “She has no place in this, Tal.It is Jedi business.”</p><p class="p1">Aren thought it best to take a placating tone given the competing looks on the women’s faces.“You’ve noted yourself, Bastila, that the Force is strong in Aoibhinn.Perhaps this can be the thing that convinces her to deal with that.” </p><p class="p1">Bastila huffed in annoyance causing Aren to bite back another laugh.Wouldn’t help to anger the woman given that he needed her help. </p><p class="p1">Aoibhinn, however, had no such worry and didn’t bother to disguise the condescension in her voice.“Jedi laying claim to the whole planet now, Bastila? Maybe I will come. Not much else to do right now.Although,” she tapped the weapons at her waist, “I’ve got rather nice crystals already.” </p><p class="p1">As she jumped down to join them, Aren couldn’t help but notice she had taken a bigger leap than she ought to have been able to.Even though she was untrained and took care to conceal it for the most part, it was clear she knew how to draw on the Force for her movements. <em>Curious.</em></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">The crystal cave was definitely a place he’d been before, multiple times if he had to guess.Once again he took care to let Bastila lead so as not to give away his awareness of the memory. The crystal chamber itself was lovely, after they’d cleared out the kinrath the place was infested with.</p><p class="p1">Bastila had explained along the way how the crystals worked, that Tal was to find HIS crystal, the one that called to him.Some described it as a sort of singing, a reverberation in the Force that was in sync with one’s soul.But even the crystals not meant for you had a resonance, something you felt in your bones more than heard with your ears.</p><p class="p1">And Aoibhinn clearly felt it.Seeing that moved him more than his own ability to sense the crystals.<em>Why?</em></p><p class="p1">They’d spent hours combing amongst the rocks.Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her running her hands along cracks and crevices, as though some instinct led her to search despite her earlier insistence that she had no need.Right as they were readying to leave, after he’d found his own crystals, he saw her pause, her hand slipping deep between the rocks.</p><p class="p1">The look on her face as she held the crystals in her palm was a mix of curiosity and sadness, a look that stirred some strangely familiar protective instinct. As though she’d felt his stare, she turned to glare, slipping the crystals into her pocket.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">*****</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">They were tracking some mercs who’d been harassing the local farmers.Seemed the Jedi thought Aren should handle it as part of his training.He’d offered to go along as had Aoibhinn and Onasi; not much else to do anyway.Rumor was the mercs were Mandalorian or at least claiming to be.Not surprising, of course, since that was the path many, including Canderous himself, had taken in the wake of Malachor. </p><p class="p1">If they were Mandalorian it would be a reminder of how far they’d fallen, what he himself had been - still might be - in danger of becoming.There was merc work that could let a man sleep at night, and then there was the kind that involved preying on the weak - and this was the latter.That he himself had nearly gone down that path, well….not something he wanted to dwell on.</p><p class="p1">Maybe that worry had started it, the picking at Onasi.They’d been talking fighting strategy as they’d scouted for the mercs’ camp and that had led them back to the war.Canderous loved a good war story and had shared more than a few with Onasi over the last weeks.But Tal Aren had managed to ask the wrong questions, set them on a path about right and wrong in the fight.Onasi had gone off on some moral high ground about the nobility of the Republic, seeming to forget he was talking to.</p><p class="p1">Really, he shouldn’t care what the man thought, but apparently he was itching for a fight, so he took the bait.“You think our goal was mindless slaughter, Onasi?Thought maybe a warrior like yourself would understand the need to challenge yourself through battle, the thrill of that pursuit.Through challenge you learn yourself, know what you are capable of.” </p><p class="p1">Onasi scoffed, “Warrior.I’m no warrior, intent on conquering.A soldier, yes, one who spent most my time protecting the innocent from warriors.But I’m not out here to prove myself.”</p><p class="p1">“Oh, I’ve seen you fight.”Onasi would be just the type to try to pretend like fighting didn’t get his blood up.“But tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night.I have no shame in what I am.”</p><p class="p1">“How’s that working out for you now?War’s over and you lost, Ordo.”</p><p class="p1">“Only because Revan finally gave us a worthy opponent.Your Republic couldn’t defeat us even outnumbering us five to one.”Canderous laughed.“Sounds to me like you did care about winning after all.”</p><p class="p1">“I cared about people not continuing to die if that’s what you mean by winning, Ordo.”Onasi shook his head.“That how you sleep at night, because you think it was worth it to try to win?All that death?You were at Malachor, saw what Revan did, and you think that was worth it?”</p><p class="p1">“We were all at Malachor.”Aoibhinn broke in, a dangerous edge in her voice.Canderous noted that she was glaring at Aren as she spoke, like maybe she thought he had something to say about it as well. </p><p class="p1">Aren just made a puzzled sort of face, then urged them on.“Let’s just get this taken care of, ok?”At least he didn’t give some Jedi speech about non-violence. Guess those new lessons hadn’t rubbed off on him just yet.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">An hour later they found the mercs, and as rumored, they were Mandalorian; fortunately, no one he recognized at least.Aren attempted to reason with them, suggesting they’d find more fertile hunting on another world, jobs that took more than preying on poor farmers.</p><p class="p1">Canderous tried to look disinterested, but felt a pang at their armor. Was it because he still wore Davik’s cast offs?Or because of the look that crossed Aoibhinn’s face? The last few weeks had made clear that she meant to keep him as a lover; she sought him out often and never denied his advances.Just as importantly, she never seemed to tire of his company nor he of hers.</p><p class="p1">Perhaps it was whatever was happening between them that made this business grate at him so.</p><p class="p1">In the end, the mercs made the decision for them and pressed an attack.Aren fought with what must be his new Jedi sabers; Aoibhinn left her own at her waist and fought with her beskad. He wondered at her continued reluctance on that front, although she was damn good with the blades.</p><p class="p1">The four of them easily prevailed despite being outnumbered. Even so, the whole thing left him in a foul mood.It wasn’t so much that he regretted killing them, he didn’t think.More like he wasn’t sure if that meant he’d just sided with the farmers who’d been too weak to defend themselves.Or worse, with the damn Jedi.What did that make him then?</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Later it was just the two of them. Aoibhinn had suggested sleeping outdoors as they both liked being under the stars and open sky. He wanted to ask about the mercs, about how it had affected her, but he wasn’t sure how, so he settled for watching the firelight on her face.</p><p class="p1"><em>“Do you think about it much?The end of the war?”</em>Her voice was strangely soft as she poked aimlessly at the fire with a stick.</p><p class="p1">Whether her question was a result of the day’s events or something else, he wasn’t sure.They’d shared plenty of stories, but had never talked about Malachor outside of noting they’d both been present. No doubt it was a wound for her as it was for him. </p><p class="p1">He sat up to lean slightly towards her, looking for some sign of where she wanted to go.<em>“Sure.You?” </em></p><p class="p1">She looked at him then, a deep hurt in her eyes twisting his gut. <em>“Yeah, but I’ve never talked about it.”</em>At that, he wanted to tell her to stop, wanted to take her in his arms and help her forget whatever it was that pained her so. </p><p class="p1">But she deserved to be heard.<em>“Do you want to?I mean I guess I’ve not either, talked about it, about Malachor.”</em>His hand found hers. This was like the sabers, some thing that ate at her core.Didn’t need the Force to see that.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“I guess I want to know why we lost.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">He’d not anticipated that.Loss happened.To dwell on it….the foul feeling from earlier in the day crept back in.<em>“Revan had the better strategy in the end.It was an honorable defeat to a foe that outmatched us.”</em>That opinion had always felt so sure, but now hearing Aoibhinn’s doubts, it didn’t.He remembered Taris, the shame that had burned in his belly.Was that simply because of what he’d almost become?</p><p class="p1"><em>“No, something was wrong.Something was wrong in the war, with Mand’alor. You must have noticed it, too, at the end?My father thought….” </em>her face twisted with a memory. After a pause, she looked at him.<em>“We wondered if his decisions weren’t his own.”</em></p><p class="p1">He considered her words, remembered the warning she’d given right before the end.What had she known? And, really, if he was honest with himself, she had a point.To be sure, Revan’s entry into the war had given them a worthy fight, made the years of conquest before feel like child’s play.To lose to a superior opponent….well, there was honor in that if you’d fought your best against the challenge. It was easy to remember that they had, in battles both lost and won - Althir, Jaga’s Cluster, even Dxun.</p><p class="p1">But battles aren’t the war. It was harder to admit that the overall strategy in the end hadn’t added up.Had their desire for battle and the thrill of wins when they were out-numbered 10 to 1 pushed them forward when they should have held?Was their logic in pressing deeper into Republic space faulty?Those were uncomfortable questions that made him wonder, too, whether their defeat was the fault of poor leadership or some fundamental flaw in his people that would always lead them to this end, their strength broken and scattered.That left a bitter taste in his mouth.</p><p class="p1"><em>“So that’s what you’ve been doing for four years?Trying to find answers to that?”</em>There was something she wasn’t saying yet.What sort of answers could she hope to find on Dantooine?Among the Jedi? </p><p class="p1">She didn’t answer at first, just watched him carefully, as though she were deciding her next words.When she spoke, a heavy sadness colored her voice.<em>“I felt it, Canderous.I felt Malachor.All that death.I could feel it, like a dark void that wanted me to fall into nothing.Sometimes I feel it still.”</em>Her fingers tensed in his.<em>“I don’t understand why it happened, why I dream of it still.Not the battle, but that….the dying…..I don’t know how to explain.”</em></p><p class="p1">What could he say to that?He cupped her cheek, brought the fingers clasped in his to his lips.<em>“Aoibhinn.”</em>Her fingers played at his face as he fumbled for his words.</p><p class="p1">She kept going, like something had been loosened in her.<em>“I think I’m meant to figure it out.I have to know, I guess?I get feelings about things, you know?Like this buzzing that I can’t ignore.That’s why I went to Taris.I thought maybe that was wrong, but then events brought me here.Maybe I am wrong and there’s nothing.But that sense has never been wrong before.”</em>Her Force again, then, and that same hint of uncertainty in her voice that she had when speaking of it before.</p><p class="p1"><em>“Maybe you’re not.” </em>He said simply and leaned back against the rocks.She trusted him enough to say what she had; he wouldn’t press further.</p><p class="p1"><em>“They know I’m here.The Jedi, in the enclave.”</em>She was watching him carefully, measuring his reaction.<em>“They’ve asked me to come, to meet with them.” </em>He knew Bastila had been after Aoibhinn since Taris to come before the council, to present herself and her gifts.So far she’d refused to go.Understandable of course.</p><p class="p1">He wasn’t sure how to respond.Part of him wondered if it might do her good, at least relieve her from the <em>what if</em> that seemed to be nagging at her.<em>“Will you go?”</em></p><p class="p1"><em>“Maybe they can tell me something about myself.Or about my mother.Maybe someone here knew her.”</em>That sadness was still in her voice again, something he wanted badly to fix.<em>“It’s ridiculous really, I know.To go to the Jedi for answers.To ask them about what I don’t understand.”</em></p><p class="p1">He thought for a moment before leaning towards her again, knowing that part of what bothered her was the same thing that bothered him, that the confrontation with the mercs had reminded them both that no matter how much honor they’d found in the battle, in the end, the Mandalorians were broken.And perhaps they were broken, too. </p><p class="p1">But her hurt was deeper than just that.Whatever it meant for the Force to flow strongly in her, the way it had caused her to feel the death at Malachor, she was pained by not understanding it.<em>“Aoibhinn.” </em>They weren’t touching now, but he felt he could hear her heart against his own.<em>“I told you before that I know nothing of your Force.And like you, I have no love for the Jedi here.But you should have no guilt in wanting whatever they may be able to give you, whether answers or…”</em>.He reached for her hand again, laced her slim fingers in his own.<em>“You have gifts that I can not begin to understand, beautiful gifts,” </em>he smiled a bit, thinking of the way her ghost fingers now often grazed across his body.<em>“Gifts that make you strong.There is no shame in seeking to understand that better.I don’t know if you’ll find the answers you seek among the Jedi.But I think you’ll regret not asking.”</em></p><p class="p1">They sat in silence for a while, fingers gently moving in their embrace.When she looked at him again, something had eased in her face.<em>“Guess I know why I was drawn back to Taris.”</em></p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Why is that?”</em>
</p><p class="p1">The soft, true smile crossed her lips.<em>“To find you.”</em>Her hand brushed his face in the gentle way, her touch echoing her words, both stirring in him the hope of something he couldn’t yet name.She moved near enough to curl against his chest, settled into his embrace.<em>“Tell me a story, Canderous,” </em>she whispered.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“About what?”</em>
</p><p class="p1"><em>“Mmmm….something good.” </em> Somehow he felt that maybe he’d told her all the good ones already, that what was left were the ones about loss and failure. </p><p class="p1">He laughed anyway, <em>“Fine,”</em> and drew her closer.She was a good listener…or maybe a bad one given the way she encouraged exaggeration and then teased when he took the bait.But this night she was quiet, too still.After a while, he realized her breathing had slowed to the steady rhythm of sleep.It was the first time that she’d fallen asleep beside him and he relished the sweetness of it, wanted it to always be like this between them.Yet, he knew if he gave in to the heaviness of his own eyes that she’d been gone when he woke, maybe close by but no longer nestled in his arms. This avoidance puzzled him, especially now feeling the way her body relaxed so naturally into his own, having sensed some other meaning in her words, <em>to find you</em>.</p><p class="p1">He stayed awake as long as he could, the uncertainties raised by the day soothed by watching her sleep.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The Canderous &amp; Carth banter here was inspired by in game dialogue as some may notice!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2">If the council had been disappointed by Aren’s handling of the Mandalorian mercs, they’d not said.Dorak had merely reminded him to be judicious in his use of his sabers and Vandar had quietly thanked him on behalf of the local farmers.Vrook had glared from the corner, but whether that was disapproval or merely his sour disposition, Aren wasn’t sure.</p><p class="p2">In any case, he’d tried to resolve the situation peacefully as a Jedi should, had suggested the mercs find more honorable work elsewhere.He’d thought that might do it, the suggestion about honor, given his recollection that the Mandalorians cared so deeply about it.But maybe that had changed or just had never mattered to this lot.They’d attacked and that had been the end of it. </p><p class="p2">Onasi and Ordo had been talking about the war as they’d tracked the mercs, arguing about what it meant to fight, whether there was honor in battle.Onasi had been a soldier before the war, was one still through and through, a defender of the ideals of the Republic. That was his charge, too, wasn’t it - to be a defender of the Republic as a Jedi?Those words sounded noble and true, and yet….something in his lost memories clashed against them.</p><p class="p2">As for Ordo and Aoibhinn, Aren wasn’t quite sure what drove the Mandalorians to fight as they had.He gathered Ordo had held some sort of leadership role, had probably been fighting all his life, believed still in proving your worth through the challenge of battle.But the Mandalorian crusade had brought death and destruction, genocide even, and had ended in the breaking of the Mandalorians themselves.Perhaps the uncertainty he’d felt from the man as they’d talked about the war was a sign that Ordo, too, questioned the honor in the path his people had followed.</p><p class="p2">Aoibhinn had said nothing until Onasi had brought up Malachor.<em>Fett’s shadow</em>.He’d known who she was so easily within days of their meeting.<em>Why?</em>When she did speak, it was clear she meant them to drop the conversation - and they did.She’d looked at him hard, like there was something he should know about Malachor and the destruction there.Well, if he had followed Revan as his dreams seemed to suggest, then surely he would have been at the battle, one of the lucky Jedi who survived the cataclysm. </p><p class="p2">He’d wanted to say something to Aoibhinn after, but the way Ordo watched her had stopped him; felt like interfering.Didn’t take memory to understand the man was besotted with her, and despite Aoibhinn’s outward coldness, he suspected the feelings were mutual.Aren had seen, too, the way Aoibhinn had looked at the mercs’ Neo Crusader armor like it mattered, and the way she’d looked at him like he needed to remember.</p><p class="p2">She wanted something from him, some thing locked in his lost memories; he was sure of it.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">Of all the masters, Aren liked Zhar the best.Probably some history there seeping through the blanks in his memory that made Zhar feel familiar, like home. It helped that it seemed Zhar wanted him to succeed, believed in his abilities to set right the wrongs he was tasked with addressing.Helped, too, that he didn’t seem to have the same cautious attitude or outright skepticism that the rest of the council projected.</p><p class="p2">Zhar was explaining Aren’s final task in his training.That he was meant to go to the ruins in his dream was clear.But before that he must investigate the “dark disturbance” that had been growing in the area, a disturbance the council felt was tied to the recent disappearance of a student of the enclave named Juhani. Juhani had herself been nearing her trials, but before they had happened, she’d fought with her master, Quatra, and fled.</p><p class="p2">Aren didn’t think it made much sense to send a novice such as himself to chase a wayward padawan, but he wasn’t going to argue.He needed to get to the place in the dream and this was the path. </p><p class="p2">The day was overcast.Bastila accompanied him, her nerves jangling against his senses.She’d been displeased that he’d invited Aoibhinn to join their trip to the crystal cave and clearly distrusted her.Even so, she’d tried once again to convince Aoibhinn to come with them to the enclave, to meet with the masters.Surely the council knew the woman was on Dantooine, must sense that the Force flowed within her.And, yet, they’d ignored her presence.For her part, Aoibhinn had stayed well away.</p><p class="p2">The meaning of that would have to wait for later.In the now, Aren and Bastila trudged across the plains towards an area he’d not yet explored - at least on this visit to Dantooine.Images from his dreams flickered through his mind as they walked; the hand at the door, the voice of warning, the thing inside that was just out of his perception.</p><p class="p2">They were close to the place in the dream now, a little grove tucked back amongst towering rocks.It was unnaturally quiet; a dark tension hung in the air.A lone figure sat among the shadows.She was cloaked but enough of her face was visible that Aren could see her Cathar features.Juhani then.</p><p class="p2">He looked to Bastila; she merely pursed her lips and shook her head.This was his task, his move.Aren wasn’t exactly sure how one was supposed to approach a run-away padawn; Zhar hadn’t been forthcoming on that point.</p><p class="p2">Juhani leapt at them then, throwing Bastila back and off her feet, sending her saber flying.Juhani was fast, but Aren was faster and parried her blows with relative ease.<em>You could end this.</em>The thought surged in his veins, the realization of the power at his fingertips.</p><p class="p2">Not that he was here to strike the woman down.“Listen, I’ve come to try to help you return to….”</p><p class="p2">Juhani snarled and lunged again, swinging her saber erratically. “I’m not interested in your help or in redemption.The darkness has taken me and I’ve embraced it.”</p><p class="p2">Aren squinted at her, lazily blocking her strikes.If he had memories he’d argue that it was always the people who shouted the loudest about how evil they were that really weren’t so evil at all.Since he didn’t have memories, he assumed it was some residual good sense based on prior experience.That hadn’t lead him wrong yet so he trusted it here.</p><p class="p2">“You are Juhani, I believe?”He wanted to snicker at the absurdity of the whole thing.She was obviously frightened and remorseful, those emotions pouring loudly off of her.And that the council had thought this was an appropriate task for their new prodigy made little sense. </p><p class="p2">But here he was.And there was something that drew him to want to help, as ridiculous as it was.“Listen, Juhani….”</p><p class="p2">“Go away.I’ve warned you once and will not do so again.”</p><p class="p2">Bastila had found her feet and her saber and returned silently to his side.Aren saw her frown out of the corner of his eye, felt his own face fighting a grin.He tried again.“Juhani, listen.Bastila and I have come from the council.They are hoping that you’ll return to the enclave.”</p><p class="p2">“Impossible.What I have done can never be forgiven.”</p><p class="p2">“What exactly is it that you think you’ve done?”</p><p class="p2">Juhani’s eyes turned sad as her saber hand dropped just a bit.She was off ready position now and would be easy to disarm without hurting her.Aren moved just a bit closer as he spoke, his off hand free and ready to grab her wrist. </p><p class="p2">“I….I killed my master in anger.”Junhani’s eyes blazed.“I killed Quatra.”</p><p class="p2">Well, that was untrue, of course.Aren had seen the woman himself not two days earlier.What the hells sort of games was the council playing now? He noted that Bastila seemed unmoved by this particular revelation.</p><p class="p2">Aren inched closer.“Are you sure?What makes you think she is dead?”</p><p class="p2">“I struck her down….she was….I was angry and we fought and….I struck her down before I….I fled in shame.”At that Juhani’s saber hand dropped completely.Aren moved swiftly, knocking her saber lose as he flipped her over, pinning her limbs, his saber at her throat.She growled in protest - or maybe resignation - but made no move to counter his attack. Bastila still stood in useless silence off to the side.</p><p class="p2">“Quatra isn’t dead, Juhani.She wasn’t even hurt.Apparently this was all some sort of test.”</p><p class="p2">“Then….then I have failed.Even if she lives, I still struck her in anger and left her for dead.”</p><p class="p2">He backed off just a bit, enough to let her breathe free.“Yeah, I don’t know what to tell you there, Juhani.How about you come back to the enclave with me and we’ll talk to the council and ….”</p><p class="p2">“No, I can’t.Please don’t ask it of me.”The look on her face was one of terror and shame.“Just….kill me.”</p><p class="p2">This was too much.All he could feel for the woman now was pity.Why had she been made to believe she’d done this thing?And why had she been left out here alone to stew in it?Made no sense unless the council meant to drive her mad.</p><p class="p2">“Juhani, I don’t believe the council would turn you away if you returned and asked for forgiveness.This must be some sort of misunderstanding.”Aren didn’t believe those words, or rather he didn’t believe the misunderstanding bit.The council must have known what they were doing.</p><p class="p2">“I…do you think that’s even possible?How could they forgive a fall like mine?”</p><p class="p2">He sat back on his heels then and released her.Bastila ran over to grab Juhani’s fallen saber.“Aren, do you believe it is wise to simply let her go?The council believes her to be rather dangerous.”</p><p class="p2">He sucked in a breath.“I’m not sure we have anything to worry about here.She’s unarmed and there are two of us.”He turned back to the Cathar woman.“Juhani, I’m not sure it is fair to say that you <em>fell</em>, just maybe …stumbled?You made a mistake in anger.All of us have done as much.”Bastila huffed beside him.Of course, she’d think herself above such things.“Besides, even if you did fail in some way, the Jedi are taught to forgive are they not?”</p><p class="p2">Juhani glared.“Are you not a Jedi?Don’t you know?”Well, that was a fair question.Guess he was no matter what he might feel. </p><p class="p2">Still he ignored the question.“The council will forgive, Juhani, I feel sure of it.Why don’t you return with Bastila and me.We can explain everything, you can see Quatra, and…”</p><p class="p2">The terror returned to Juhani’s face.“I could never face my master given what I’ve done.How could I?”</p><p class="p2">This was getting tiring.“Sure you can Juhani.Get up and let’s go.”He’d not meant to be commanding.But he had been.Juhani said nothing, just got up as he’d asked.Bastila’s discomfort pummeled his senses.</p><p class="p2">“I will follow you then, Tal Aren.Take me to the council so that they may judge me.”Oh, well, guess that had done the trick then.Not wanting to break the moment, he smiled faintly, nodded, and started back to the enclave.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">“Did you know, Bastila?Did you know, the council let her believe that she’d killed her master?”</p><p class="p2">“Tal, I don’t think you understand.It was simply meant to be part of her trials.The council thought….”</p><p class="p2">“Part of her trials?Like striking her down was supposed to be part of mine?”Jedi weren’t supposed to be angry but Aren was furious.This whole business felt like a terrible set up.Juhani led to believe she’d done terrible things, allowed to go off and stew in that darkness, all the while the council sitting back and waiting to use her distress to test someone - that someone turning out to be him. “I’m not sure I want to be a Jedi if it means this sort of deception.”</p><p class="p2">“Tal, please.Speak with the council, let them explain.I’m sure you’ll….” She had that worried look again, like the weight of the galaxy was about to crush her.Suddenly he felt pity for the woman, understood that she was caught up in something beyond her desire or comprehension.She’d somehow gotten herself tangled up in his memories, maybe was being used by the council just as he was.</p><p class="p2">But why?</p><p class="p2">His pity only went so far, though.She still knew more than she was saying about the meaning of the dreams, about what was in the ruins, maybe about who he was.</p><p class="p2">“Bastila, I need to know you are being honest with me.”That strange, commanding tone he’d had before with Juhani came back into his voice.He’d not meant for it to exactly.</p><p class="p2">She blinked slowly before speaking.“Tal, I am only doing as the council asks.Please trust me.”</p><p class="p2">That wasn’t what he’d asked of course.But telling.He just nodded and gave Tal Aren’s smile.“I’ll try, Bastila.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">****</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">Aoibhinn liked sparring with Canderous best when they both used their beskad.Maybe it was the clang of metal that reminded her of home.Or maybe it was the comforting weight of those blades in her hands, so different from her sabers, a thing that was easy to control and understand. In any case, she’d not touched her sabers since she’d tried to explain to him how she’d learned to use them.Foolish, perhaps, that she insisted on always wearing them.Maybe that was a comfort of a different sort.</p><p class="p2">Now they were sparring in the field by the Hawk and, as often happened, their serious match had turned playful.Suddenly, she found herself pinned on the ground, his hands somehow managing to hold both his blades and her wrists. He smirked, <em>“You yield?” </em> The heat that rippled through her was hardly from their fight alone.</p><p class="p2">She managed to draw her knee up between his thighs, then with a flick of the Force, flipped him over, bringing her legs tight around his hips, knocking their blades loose as they rolled. <em>“Oh, I don’t think so, not just yet anyway.”</em>She grew closer to his face, his breath hot and heavy beneath her.Their mouths met as their hands clasped above his head.Not a bad way to end a fight, this, tofeel his strength underneath her, to smell his sweat, and taste the salt of it as she kissed at his throat.</p><p class="p2">After a minute though, he pulled back, held her check against his palm. <em>“Why do you never stay?” </em>His eyes were steady; his fingers just faintly moved. </p><p class="p2">She rolled up to sit, breaking his touch, uncertain how to answer. <em>“I’ve told you, I just don’t sleep well</em>.”</p><p class="p2"><em>“That’s not an answer</em>.”He stayed laying in the grass, brought his hands up to rest behind his head, waiting patiently.After a few minutes, she flopped beside him, close enough to touch but not yet doing so.As they watched the clouds,something tightened inside her, dousing the warmth from before.</p><p class="p2">He was right to ask.She had tried to be careful not to send the wrong message, not to signal that their intimacies were unwelcome when they were anything but.Often she stayed close, sometimes sitting for hours meditating while he slept, but she never allowed herself to stay. </p><p class="p2">The one night she had drifted to sleep in his arms, she’d nearly given in to the desire to sleep the night beside him.He’d fallen asleep, too, holding her still.When she’d woken, she had lain there in stillness, soaking in the warmth of him, trying to understand what it was that she wanted.In the end though, she’d given in to a different emotion, the one that made her uncertain of her own worth, and had slipped out of his embrace.</p><p class="p2">But now he was asking and deserved an answer.He’d rolled to face her, brushed one finger from her collarbone down the side of her waist, landing his hand to rest lightly on the edge of her hip. </p><p class="p2">They’d been at this - whatever this was - for weeks now. No, months; really it had started on Taris, the dancing around the wanting. The physical part was so easy, so good, as was their friendship.The rest felt complicated.Maybe it didn’t have to be.Maybe it just wasn’t. </p><p class="p2">
  <em>Just tell the truth.</em>
</p><p class="p2">She’d try. <em>“I’ve just always made it a habit not to stay.Things don’t last like they should.People leave…or die.”</em>She thought of the beds she’d left before, the men she’d used for small comforts without bothering to know them, the fault in her that made her afraid to care.</p><p class="p2"><em>“You’re afraid.</em>”There was no malice in his words; just honest observation.</p><p class="p2">And it was true, even though she’d failed to recognize it in herself.She was afraid of what it meant to want to stay, to want him to, to feel the things she couldn’t name.Because she was afraid, she didn’t answer, just watched the sunlight in his eyes and let her fingers graze at his temple.</p><p class="p2">They let the silence hang a bit, then slowly he offered, <em>“I’m not dying….or leaving.”</em>He was staring at her hard, the weight of his hand against her hip an affirmation of his promise.</p><p class="p2">
  <em>“I’m not sure….I don’t think I deserve that, Canderous.” </em>
</p><p class="p2">He grinned at her then before whispering into a kiss, <em>“I think you do.But only you can decide not to fear it.</em>”</p><p class="p2">He made it so simple.And, really, it was.This man was not the others.This man made her feel things she’d forgotten about, and helped her forget the things that ate at her, made her feel she, too, could be something more than she’d been before. She wanted to stay, to wake up to his embrace. He didn’t deserve to suffer her doubts.</p><p class="p2">Before she could stay she would need to tell him her full truth.He’d known who she was from the start, knew what she could do with the Force, had heard her stories about her father, about what she’d felt at Malachor - all of these had just been accepted as pieces of her no different from any other. </p><p class="p2">But she needed to tell him about Revan or rather what she thought about Revan.Needed to explain what had happened between them above Malachor as the galaxy started to burn.Wanted him to understand the thing that drove her.And those truths might be too much.</p><p class="p2">Maybe it was the same fear in the end - that if he knew, he would go - and she wanted him to stay.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">The time on Dantooine would end soon.Aoibhinn wasn’t sure how, but like always, she believed in the instinct that told her so.She would leave and knew it would be with Tal Aren, still chasing her answers.</p><p class="p2">She also knew she would have to face the council before she left.</p><p class="p2">As she’d told Canderous, they knew she was here.Wasn’t clear why they’d not sought her out; she’d not exactly been hiding.Canderous was right that she should just go to them, see what they might say. <em>You are afraid of what they might say.</em></p><p class="p2">She wore her beskad and her sabers, still mourning the lack of her proper armor.No matter.They would not mistake what she was, who she was.Wasn’t a battle was it?Felt like one though.Canderous had walked with her as far as the courtyard.Everyone seemed to know who they were, stared a bit.Guess not many Mandalorians came calling on the Jedi. </p><p class="p2">They made her wait.She’d been offered tea and a chair, but declined both.When they finally summoned her into their meeting chamber, the short one, Vandar, a species she didn’t know, spoke first, platitudes of welcome.Aoibhinn was no stranger to being watched or to facing down a roomful of faces who might wish to fight her given the chance.She was Cassus Fett’s daughter and not about to be cowed by a room full of Republic Jedi.</p><p class="p2">In the silence that followed their greeting, one of them reached out towards her mind.Aoibhinn didn’t really know how to block it but she had her words.“Take care to stay out of my mind, Jedi.”Not knowing who had done it, she glared at them all, laid hands lightly on the hilts of her sabers in warning.</p><p class="p2">No one acknowledged the intrusion.Instead Vandar prattled on, thanking her for the assistance she’d provided with the kath hounds and mercs, for helping Bastila and Tal Aren escape Taris.</p><p class="p2">“Pretty words.But I am not here for your thanks.”</p><p class="p2">“Why are you here, Aoibhinn Fett?”The man’s voice was not unkind, just devoid of emotion.“It has, of course, not escaped our notice that the Force flows strongly in you.Perhaps you have questions?”He paused exchanging glances with the others.“You understand, of course, that training you would be out of the question.”</p><p class="p2">Hard not to laugh at such a ridiculous proposition, so she did.“I have no need of your Jedi training, Master Vandar.”</p><p class="p2">“Then why have you come?”That was the one called Vrook, his tone matching his scowl.“You think we have answers to your questions?”</p><p class="p2">“Guess I know who was trying to poke in my mind then.”Her fingers flexed on her hilts.“Do you know my questions?”</p><p class="p2">“Should have expected this arrogance from one such as you.”His frown deepened.“You want to know Revan’s motivations, I suspect.A reason for the end of your people.We cannot speak for Revan or give you…” he bit back the rest of that at a subtle wave from Vandar.“You will forgive us.Revan’s betrayal has left much bitterness, despite our efforts to be at peace with what cannot now be changed.” </p><p class="p2">If they had any intention of revealing anything of use, they’d have done so by now.She was wasting her time and leaving herself open to having her own hand revealed.If Tal Aren was Revan they knew and were seeing out the lie for some other purpose.Playing along, keeping her knowledge to herself, that seemed the only path to what she needed to learn.</p><p class="p2">She turned to leave, not bothering to speak again.As she reached the door to the chamber, a voice who had been silent spoke, Master Zhar.“Tal Aren has spoken to you of his dreams, has he not?What do you make of them, Aoibhinn Fett?”</p><p class="p2">Oh, well, that was interesting indeed.She turned back, letting her mouth curl.“I’m surprised you should care for my thoughts on the matter.Surely you must know their meaning?”</p><p class="p2">Zhar’s smile was genuine.Odd.“We are not in agreement on this point, but it is my belief - and that of others - that your fate is tied to Tal’s.We do not always understand the Force when it speaks.But we must listen carefully to what it has to say.Surely it was no accident that brought your paths to cross on Taris.”</p><p class="p2">Later she’d wonder at the wisdom of what she said next.“My mother used to say there were no coincidences, that all is the will of the Force.Perhaps she was right.”She paused, grinning broadly.“I wear her sabers.But I think you knew that.”With that she left them, not sure who had won the round.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">****</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">Aren had been after Aoibhinn to spar him with her sabers ever since their trip to the crystal cave. Canderous assumed her reluctance to accept had more to do with the sabers than the man; in any case, after her visit to the enclave, she’d finally agreed.He’d not not pressed her for answers just as he’d not pried further about her talk with the council.She’d said little about it other than that the Jedi believed her path somehow connected to Aren’s. </p><p class="p2">She’d told him before about Aren’s dream; that the Jedi imagined her connected to the business was puzzling indeed.But if Aoibhinn thought so herself, she hadn’t said.He’d not pushed on that either; she wasn’t intending to deceive him and he’d risked enough in raising her reluctance to stay the night with him. </p><p class="p2">She’d explain when she was ready.</p><p class="p2">Quite a large crowd had gathered by the enclave’s sparring ring; he half wondered if Aren had advertised the fight as some Jedi vs. Mandalorian affair given the carnival atmosphere of the place.The whole crew of the Hawk was there, such as it was.Several of the Jedi masters - or he guessed that’s who they were based on the robes - watched from the side, various frowns on their faces.If they had any doubts about Aoibhinn, they’d certainly see her for what she was now. </p><p class="p2">Canderous watched with arms crossed, thrilled at the chance to watch his woman in action.His woman.When had he come to think of her that way?That thought made him smile, a smile that broadened when Aoibhinn gave him a not so subtle wink as she took up a ready stance.</p><p class="p2">“Your move, Aren.” </p><p class="p2">They both held two blades, not yet ignited.Aoibhinn spun the one in her off hand.Show off.Meant she thought she’d win.He grinned again at the memory of their first sparring match, the way she’d thought she’d bested him only to find herself defeated by her own over-confidence.</p><p class="p2">Of course, Canderous now understood that she’d been holding back, or at least that she’d not drawn on the Force when they’d fought then or maybe ever.Without it, they were evenly matched.With it, well, he was eager to see what she could really do.</p><p class="p2">Aren was a cocky bastard, too, though.He’d had a certain arrogance about him from the start, despite his cluelessness about his past.It had grown on Dantooine; seemed now he hardly bothered to hide it.Strange - Canderous thought the Jedi were supposed to be against such things. </p><p class="p2">Aoibhinn’s blades flicked to life as Aren charged. </p><p class="p2">At the start, they were slow.Aren looked to have the upper hand, putting her more on the defensive than Canderous had expected.He narrowed his eyes, watching carefully.He’d fought her often enough at this point that he knew her every move, knew how her body flowed. She wasn’t using it, wasn’t drawing on the Force just as she refused to do when they sparred.Why?She’d let Aren win if she didn’t.</p><p class="p2">They paused for a moment, circling around like cats toying with prey, neither yet showing any signs of exertion.“You’re out of practice, Aren,” Aoibhinn taunted.“Not too late to back out.” Her sabers hummed softly.</p><p class="p2">Aren laughed.“Pretty sure I’ve got you running, Aoibhinn.Want to yield now before I have to show you out?” </p><p class="p2">Her eyes blazed.“Oh, I think not, Jedi.”</p><p class="p2">Canderous saw it then, a thing so obvious he figured the whole damn crowd had to notice.The two figures circling in the ring wore the same cold, cocky smirk, had the same icy blue eyes that watched for any sign of weakness.His pulse raced at the implication.<em>I had a twin sister…an older brother….they were taken. </em> And Aoibhinn, knew, he realized, had probably known since Taris. </p><p class="p2">When their sabers clashed again, she stopped holding back.He’d never seen her do it but realized now what it did.She moved faster than should have been possible, matching Aren stroke for stroke.They danced - no flew - around the ring, a showy blur of lights crashing between them.Gods she was beautiful.He could feel himself grinning ridiculously in his pride.</p><p class="p2">They didn’t break again, just kept that up that impossible flurry of blades, then suddenly it was over, her foot on Aren’s wrist, the tip of her blade at his throat.“You are definitely out of practice.”</p><p class="p2">Aren was laughing again. “I’ve only just learned, Aoibhinn.But anytime you want to practice, I’m game.”</p><p class="p2">She looked straight at the masters who were glaring now, some in anger others in concern.“Only just learned, Aren.Are you sure?”Her face twitched with a grin.“Could have fooled me.” Damn woman was baiting them, letting them know what she knew, but why?</p><p class="p2">The crowd started to disperse.Canderous saw Aren’s face fall to a puzzled frown. <em>“I’m not sure you’ve not reminded him of something,” </em>he suggested to Aoibhinn as she joined him.</p><p class="p2">She still wore that wicked grin that made it difficult to resist kissing her hard.<em>“Guess we’ll see.”</em>She brushed against him, just barely.<em>“But not what’s on my mind at present.” </em></p><p class="p2">
  <em>“Mine either, watching you like that.You fought well.”</em>
</p><p class="p2"><em>“Well, I’ve had a worthy training partner.”</em>And gods the way she looked at him sent him spinning, made him forget where they were.“<em>Wouldn’t mind practicing a bit more.” </em></p><p class="p2">At that he laughed loudly and started walking her out.She gave the council a final grin on the way, muttering <em>cowards</em> under her breath.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p2">****</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">As he watched Aoibhinn leave, Tal Aren stared at the weapons in his hands, noticing for the first time the familiarity of their weight.<em>Are you sure?</em>Surely, Aoibhinn had just been goading him.And yet….it was all familiar wasn’t it?The weight of his sabers, the way he held them, the way he could make them flurry - the cold glare of Aoibhinn’s eyes.Something he needed to remember….</p><p class="p2">That night the dream was a different one, nothing to do with the ship or the cave or the maps.Instead there was a fire, a warm one, and the laughter of children.Two small faces with long dark braids play fighting with sticks stopped to look at him - <em>You’ll never catch us - </em>they were smiling, little sisters teasing.He wanted to find them, but things turned dark; the fire was gone and instead the laughing voices screamed.</p><p class="p2">The dream changed again, the screams of children becoming that of a man, not his but another, a presence that had been in the dream of the ship and the one of the cave, the voice that had warned him not to go.The sound was that of agony and betrayal - which was greater?</p><p class="p2">Aren woke, gasping for air, hoping Bastila had not shared this dream.Surely she would wonder at his memories of Mandalorian children and Darth Malak’s screams.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">As Aren explained the council’s latest request, Canderous kept an eye on Aoibhinn’s reaction.As usual, her body language revealed little about her inner thoughts - at least to a casual observer.But by now he was well aware of her subtle tells, knew that she thought whatever Aren was saying had a connection to the thing she was after.</p><p class="p1">Apparently, the council felt that the dream-vision that Aren and Bastila had shared pointed to some unexplored ruins not far from the enclave.Seemed they also thought that whatever was in those ruins had been found by Revan and Malak at some point, and was something that could be used to stop Malak now.</p><p class="p1">To Bastila’s obvious dismay,Aren invited them all to come, said he’d welcome the company and didn’t mind having a few good fighters at his side as he ventured into the unknown. Even a Jedi errand had more promise of challenge than sitting around the Hawk so they accepted the invitation.</p><p class="p1">Hours later Canderous watched Aoibhinn’s face in the strange light of the Star Map that unfolded before them.Kashyyyk, Manaan, Tatooine, Korriban.He felt uneasy at what it might mean, this odd assortment of worlds, twinkling in the ghostly projection.Seemed like Jedi riddles, not that anyone asked his opinion.Aoibhinn was making that face at Aren again, as if she could squint just right she might draw him in to focus.</p><p class="p1">He knew then that she was planning to go, to follow where that map would lead, searching for her answers.Well, chasing whatever this was had more promise than the slow death of Taris or the too quiet of Dantooine.It had been years since he’d been this long without steady responsibility and despite his pleasure at Aoibhinn’s companionship, he was antsy to move on, to find a proper purpose.While the outlines of such a purpose were still unclear, he could only hope that the woman beside him would be a part of it.</p><p class="p1">He’d follow.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">****</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Ah, Aoibhinn.I’ve been waiting for our paths to cross again.”Aoibhinn had just set out for a hike when Zhar’s voice broke her reverie. </p><p class="p1">She recognized the Jedi master as one of the few who’d been too polite to scowl at her outright before, not that she felt a need to return the pleasantry.“Paths generally cross faster when you seek someone out.” </p><p class="p1">“Indeed.I should not have waited.”Something in the way he looked at her made her feel like a child, although his expression was not unkind.“Will you walk with me a bit?I think perhaps we have much to discuss.”</p><p class="p1">“Fine.”Curious that this one would seek her out after the council had pointedly told her nothing. </p><p class="p1">Zhar remained silent until they were well out into the plains beyond the enclave.When he finally spoke, his tone was cordial but cautious; his eyes stayed steady on the horizon as they walked.“I should apologize, Aoibhinn, for the Council’s less than warm welcome to you earlier.It is against our teachings to behave so coldly to guests.” </p><p class="p1">Aoibhinn scowled.“If you brought me all this way for an apology, you could have saved yourself the time.I have no need of kind words from the Jedi.” </p><p class="p1">“You speak as though we should be enemies, Aoibhinn.The war, that war at least, is long over. You came to us because you wanted answers.”</p><p class="p1">“I never said that.”</p><p class="p1">“You didn’t have to.”Zhar stopped walking and turned to face her.“But I have questions as well Aoibhinn Fett.Questions about why the Force has led you here, why it is you wear the weapons at your waist.”</p><p class="p1">“I told you where I got my sabers and I don’t have your answers.”As though to reassure herself of those facts, her fingers traced the outline of her saber’s hilts.</p><p class="p1">“No?But I think perhaps our questions are much the same.”</p><p class="p1">“You’ll have to forgive me Master Zhar, if all we have is questions, and no answers, what is it that you want from me?”</p><p class="p1">“You remind me of someone.” She hoped her face did not betray her at that.What the hell was the man playing at?Of course the council must know her face, and yet the cowards had said nothing.They seemed content to let her along on this contrived mission, but not brave enough to lay the truth out on the table.Did Zhar know what she suspected?Did he want her to know?</p><p class="p1">Aoibhinn stayed silent; Zhar continued.“Perhaps I am simply old and foolish, overly fond of one I once trained who is now lost to me.Perhaps I simply seek any reminder of things that were.You will forgive the observation.”</p><p class="p1">He knew she knew.It wasn’t clear if he’d meant Revan or her sister by his words though; she bit back the temptation to ask and instead repeated her earlier question.“What do you want from me?”</p><p class="p1">“You mean to go on this mission, to find the star maps?To stop Malak?”</p><p class="p1">“Yes.”</p><p class="p1">“Why?”His voice still had that kindness, some undercurrent that called to her, wanted her to confide in him.But you couldn’t trust a Jedi.</p><p class="p1">“I don’t owe you an answer.”</p><p class="p1">“No, I suppose not.Still, I ask the question.”</p><p class="p1">“Because I want my damn answers.”She weighed what she said next carefully, wondering if he wanted her to confirm what he suspected. “And because there is only one person who can give them.”</p><p class="p1">Zhar smiled at that, a sad sort of smile. “Perhaps that is true for both of us.”His lekku twitched just slightly, like perhaps he, too, was weighing his words.“Aoibhinn, I have questioned before what the order teaches about attachments, what might happen if we allowed ourselves even the bonds of family whether those of our birth or those we find.This mission is a strange one that will take you all to dark places.Perhaps… perhaps a hand in the darkness is not such a bad thing to have.” </p><p class="p1">He watched her intently for a moment before continuing.“But do be wary of the darkness.The council did not wish to say it but the Force flows deeply in you, no matter that you are untrained in its use.It will always be a temptation, a thing easily used when fighting for what is right becomes too hard.”</p><p class="p1">She’d not been prepared for philosophical debate and was troubled by the implications of Zhar’s words.Did he mean her to be some sort of steadying influence on a man she barely knew?“I have long walked in the darkness, Master Zhar.”The saying of that made her blood chill despite believing it to be true.“I am a child of war; that’s all I’ve ever known.I fight because I am Mandalorian, because it is our way, because it is what I was raised to do.”</p><p class="p1">“All?I do not believe that to be true.The light calls to you.And to fight….well, is that always a path to darkness?That I do not know.”Zhar sighed then, a troubled look replacing the sad smile.“Perhaps it is not so simple as we Jedi wish it to be, the light and the dark. Some argue the Force simply is and that it is up to us beings to decide what we will make of it, how we interact with it. Others believe that the Force guides our actions, that we are merely vessels to heed its call.”</p><p class="p1">“Jedi riddles and contradictions then.You either have free will or you do not.”Aoibhinn grit her teeth against her memories.“My mother used to say that, that things are the will of the Force.Said nothing was coincidence but rather all that happened was meant to be.And yet my father taught me to fight, to make my own way in the galaxy.Who was right?”</p><p class="p1">“ Jedi scholars spend lifetimes wrestling with that question.”He smiled softly.“What do you believe Aoibhinn Fett, about the Force that that flows within you?”</p><p class="p1">“Force or no, I think we make our own choices with what fate presents us.”</p><p class="p1">Zhar nodded.“Then perhaps there is no contradiction.In any case, I do not believe it was coincidence that led your path to cross with Tal Aren’s on Taris.Much is the will of the Force.And we must listen even when we do not understand, so that we make wise choices with what we are given.But,I have said enough, I think, and will take my leave.May the Force be with you, Aoibhinn Fett, and may you make your choices well.”</p><p class="p1">With that, he turned and walked away, leaving Aoibhinn with new questions to ponder.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">****</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">He’d found the Star Maps before.Tal Aren was as sure of that fact as he was sure that the council knew it - and that they knew who he was, whose memories were still locked in the dark of his mind. </p><p class="p1">Bastila must know, too.Aren wasn’t sure if he blamed her for keeping the truth from him.Surely she’d not chosen to form this bond with him.Maybe once he learned - if he learned - how it happened, he’d be in a better position to decide her culpability in the thing.But for now….he’d try to manage the uneasy bridge between them, gain her trust so that he might learn what she knew of his true identity.</p><p class="p1">They’d returned to the Hawk.It was a good ship and wouldn’t attract the wrong sort of attention, perfect for what struck him as a somewhat desperate and haphazard mission.Not that he knew anything about strategy of this sort.Or maybe he did.Aside from the frustratingly vague bits in his dreams, he still remembered nothing.</p><p class="p1">Bastila and Onasi emerged from the cockpit, laughing, or at least he was.She wore something that could be called a smile if she’d let it grow. You could almost feel sorry for Bastila, maybe for most of the Jedi, so many lessons about what not to feel, about how to honor your connection to the Force as though it were all that mattered.</p><p class="p1">And if you let go of those lessons, if you let your emotions rule you, or if you dared to have a thought that wasn’t selfless, well….he’d heard more than a few warnings about the perils of that, tales of falling into the dark like Revan and Malak and the Jedi who’d followed them.Or Exar Kun and Ulic Qel-Droma from the generation before, and the fears the council had of yet another cycle of Jedi ripping the order apart.</p><p class="p1">Stopping Malak.That was the task now.It was clear Malak had amassed an impossibly large force, but not clear how he had managed it.Plenty of Jedi and Republic soldiers had turned with Revan and Malak after Malachor; many followed Malak still.But those numbers didn’t explain his current capabilities.The answer lay in finding the remaining maps.</p><p class="p1">Aren remembered Onasi’s tale of Saul Karath, the man who’d betrayed Telos and the Republic, the man he wanted dead.How many times did a story like that repeat across known space?And how many lives had Malak and his forces ruined?</p><p class="p1">Bringing Malak to justice - the necessity of that made sense, even as little else did.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">****</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Plans had been set for them to leave the next day.Aren and Bastila would be leading the mission for the star maps, such as it was.Onasi apparently had been assigned to play watch dog by the Republic and it seemed Zaalbar’s life debt meant he and Mission were going, too.They were taking the Hawk.Aoibhinn was going and she owed Canderous an explanation. </p><p class="p1">Knowing that didn’t make it easier to start the conversation, though. </p><p class="p1">She found him in the garage, tinkering with gear.Nervous habit, meant he probably knew what she was going to say.Her heart wanted to slip behind him as she often did, to run her hands up his chest and press her cheek against his back.Or maybe to send her ghost fingers dancing at the back of his neck. </p><p class="p1">But that would only keep her from saying what needed to be said.</p><p class="p1"><em>“Canderous, I need to…” </em> Words tangled on her tongue.</p><p class="p1">His hand kept at his task as he spoke.<em>“You’re planning to go with them, aren’t you?To find these Star Maps I mean, to chase Malak.”</em>There was no emotion in his voice, just that straight-forwardness he so often had. </p><p class="p1">Still she felt a twinge of guilt at the question, as though her answer would be a betrayal.<em>“I want my answers, so yeah.”</em> </p><p class="p1">“<em>So you’ve said.”</em> </p><p class="p1">It would be simple to ask him to come, to give in to that desire.Instead, she said what she didn’t want to say.<em>“You don’t have to come you know.There’s nothing to keep you.” </em>She hoped that last part wasn’t true.</p><p class="p1"><em>“Oh, I’m coming.I want my damn ship.”</em>He glanced up from the blaster he’d been cleaning. <em> “And I’ve been enjoying the company…. rather a lot,” </em>he added with that roguish grin. </p><p class="p1"><em>“The ship,” </em>she laughed.<em>“Pretty sure it’s half mine.”</em></p><p class="p1">“<em>Yeah, guess so</em>.”His grin softened.<em>“You know we could just take the ship and go. Ditch the Jedi and Republic on whatever backwater this ‘mission’ heads to next.Just say the word.” </em></p><p class="p1">Gods that was tempting.That he would offer both thrilled and frightened her - not the taking of the ship but the going with her.It made her have to categorize what was between them, weigh what she wanted against what made sense.<em>“I want to, but I can’t.”</em></p><p class="p1"><em>“Your answers, I know.”</em>He’d sat the blaster aside, was leaning back against the workbench, arms crossed.<em>“Aoibhinn, I need to at least know what the questions are.” </em> </p><p class="p1">That was fair.He’d been patient, deserved to know what was driving her.But more than that, she wanted him to know.And if he knew the whole truth and still chose to stay….she wondered at what that could mean. </p><p class="p1"><em>“I don’t know if the questions make sense, Canderous.They don’t really to me.”</em>Her hand twisted aimlessly at the hilt of her saber.</p><p class="p1">His hands were always warm, were now as they took her own and raised them to his lips.<em>“If I’m going to fight beside you, I need to know what we are fighting for.” </em></p><p class="p1">That she’d not expected.Whether it was the look in his eyes or the press of his hands on hers or some latent Force ability suddenly awakening she wasn’t sure, but a deep calm washed over her then, as though he was projecting the weight and promise of his words.<em>You trust him.</em></p><p class="p1"><em>“Ok. I’ll try.”</em>Easier to start with what she’d shared already.<em>“Things didn’t make sense at the end of the war.”</em>She pulled away from his hands, needing to pace to burn off the nervous energy of her story.<em>“Father and I saw that things weren’t going well.We were over stretched.Taking risks we shouldn’t have.” </em></p><p class="p1">Before by the fire he’d let her stop there, hadn’t pressed.Now he nudged her on. <em>“So why not just challenge Mand’alor?”</em>That was a good question of course, one she’d asked herself.Decent chance that had been the next part of her father’s plan.Would he have done it himself?Or put her forward?Didn’t matter now.</p><p class="p1">She shrugged.<em>“I don’t know.”</em>This wasn’t the part of the story she was worried about really.She cursed herself for feeling like she was coming apart, but maybe that’s what happens when you ask yourself the same questions every day for four years.<em>“I tried to stop it.What happened at the end.</em>”He would remember that last meeting of the battle commanders, the one where she’d spoken at the end, the silence that fell afterward. </p><p class="p1">
  <em>“You knew what would happen.Your….Force?”</em>
</p><p class="p1">She nodded.<em>“I wasn’t sure what Revan was planning, just knew Malachor was a trap.After he defeated Mand’alor, Father sent me to kill him.” </em></p><p class="p1">He raised a brow, sounded impressed. <em>“Bold move.Why?”</em>The why, of course, was obvious.Revan had been the head of the Republic forces by the end of the war, the strategist that brought the great Mandalorian crusade to its knees.He’d killed Mand’alor and left them without a leader, crippled.And then Malachor V.They were broken.Or so the galaxy thought.</p><p class="p1"><em>“Last desperate measure?”</em>She shook her head and laughed softly.<em>“As you know, I wasn’t successful.”</em>She explained as best she could how she’d snuck aboard Revan’s shuttle, had challenged him on his command ship, how he’d ignored her challenge.Described how she’d screamed at anyone listening to run, had attacked Revan, how their fight had ended when everything started to burn. </p><p class="p1">She told him, too, of things she had no proof of, vague pieces from visions and her gut, that the war had been set in motion by some other force, a force that wanted the Republic weak.That Revan’s gambit at Malachor V had been intended to start another war, some controlled take over of the Republic, a refashioning of it into a weapon that could strike at some unknown darkness beyond the Outer Rim. </p><p class="p1">At some point she’d stopped pacing and had leaned against a wall, her fingers drumming at the metal behind her.Canderous listened carefully, his eyes never leaving her face; she felt herself calming as she drifted deeper in the story.He believed her.But the tricky part was yet to come.</p><p class="p1"><em>“How did you get off the ship?” </em> She sucked a breath and didn’t answer.<em>“Aoibhinn?”</em>She shuddered, remembered being curled into his chest by the fire, thought of how much easier it would be to speak if she were there again.</p><p class="p1"><em>“He told me to run, to take his shuttle.And so I did.” </em>It was cowardly to run.But there was more to the story.Her fingers drummed. </p><p class="p1">He shifted a bit, perhaps sensing her discomfort or reading the shame on her face.<em>“There is no dishonor in living to fight another day, Aoibhinn.Do you know why?Why he wanted to you live?”</em></p><p class="p1">That was the tricky part, tricky because she didn’t understand it herself.Her eyes closed as she leaned her head back against the cool metal behind her.<em>“Maybe.”</em>She forced her eyes open, met his gaze.“<em>I told you before I had a twin sister and an older brother, that they were taken.”</em></p><p class="p1">
  <em>“But they didn’t die, did they?”</em>
</p><p class="p1">“<em>No.My father thought they had.Or at least that was easier for him to believe, but I knew they hadn’t because… I just know things.” </em>She felt herself smile sadly.<em>“I think I was right, but I never saw his face….I need to know.”</em>She knew she was no longer making sense, the threads of her lost siblings tangled in the web of lies around a man who wasn’t dead.<em>“I need those answers….I’m…”</em></p><p class="p1"><em>“Aoibhinn?” </em>His voice was still calm.</p><p class="p1">Might as well jump straight to it then. <em>“Revan isn’t dead.”</em>She’d stopped drumming her fingers, tried hard to keep any emotion out of her voice.She wanted to know his reaction unfiltered by her own feelings, watched his face carefully as he worked to make sense of her story, put pieces together.She knew he’d shared her suspicions at Tal Aren’s backstory, found it odd as had she that he dreamt of Revan and Malak, wondered why he fought as skillfully as he did. </p><p class="p1">Canderous laughed, another unexpected thing.<em>“I watched you fight, you know, you and Aren.Noticed two things, aside from how good you are.”</em>Aoibhinn swallowed hard, wondering where he was going with this.<em>“Tal Aren didn’t just learn to fight with a saber.” </em>She recalled Canderous’s own clumsy efforts at using her blade; he’d understand that Aren’s skill had taken years to develop.</p><p class="p1"><em>“And?”</em> </p><p class="p1"><em>“I only saw your father’s face a few times, but he had a look that you don’t soon forget.Intimidating bastard.Watched him fix hardened warriors with a stare.”</em>He was smiling at her, that grin he had when he knew he’d won at something.<em>“You make that same damn face, Aoibhinn, did it when you fought against Aren.Curious thing is…” </em>his brow quirked up in amusement, “<em>Aren did, too.Same damn face.Same stare.”</em></p><p class="p1">She’d worried that he’d be angry that she’d held back her suspicions.Instead, he just seemed curious.Clever man had figured it out on his own.<em>“Is it obvious, then?I mean, I’m not entirely sure I just…”</em>.</p><p class="p1"><em>“People often only see what they are looking for.Those Jedi know, that’s clear.Not sure what their game is.Not sure anyone else is looking for the improbable though.But… I do watch you rather a lot, so, yeah, I noticed.</em>”The tightness in her loosened just slightly between his words and the grin still on his face.“<em>So, how long have you known?”</em></p><p class="p1">She explained that she’d suspected from the start, that there was there was something about the man that had pulled at her - but she’d had no evidence to back her instinct.But when they dueled in the enclave using lightsabers she felt very sure.She’d fought Revan before, nearly to her death, and had not forgotten how he moved.The energy of this man’s fighting was too similar for it to not be true. </p><p class="p1">
  <em>“He’s weaker now or I’d not have won against him.But it’s him.I’m sure.If he remembers who he is, why he did what he did ….well, I need to know.” </em>
</p><p class="p1">
  <em>“Your answers?But more than that, Aoibhinn.Your family.” </em>
</p><p class="p1"><em>“Yeah.”</em>Her body relaxed against the wall.Maybe she’d been afraid to admit to herself that it mattered not just that the man was Revan, but that he was her blood, that perhaps he knew where her sister was, too.<em>“At Malachor …I saw her face, my face, my sister, she was there too - that’s how Revan knew who I was…. why I suspected who he was.He didn’t say, but I know he knew.”</em>She grinned faintly.<em>“Course he doesn’t remember any of that at present.”</em></p><p class="p1"><em>“Well, all that makes this adventure a bit more interesting.”</em>Leave it to Canderous to simply see the practical nature of things.He uncrossed his arms, scratched his head. <em>“You didn’t want to tell me this?Why?”</em></p><p class="p1">“<em>Well…”</em> there had been no accusation in his question, just a simple curiosity. <em>“It’s a crazy story?”</em>She smiled at him, felt something loosen within her further, felt sure enough to add a final truth.<em>“I wanted you to know, but I didn’t want you to leave.”</em></p><p class="p1">He’d moved towards her, took her hand.<em>“Why did you think I’d leave?”</em>His gray eyes stared at her intently.</p><p class="p1"><em>“Because it’s a crazy story?” </em>She repeated, looking up enough to hold his gaze.</p><p class="p1">He was so close now, his fingers firm around her own.<em>“Yeah, it is…. and you do continue to be unexpected.Don’t mind that though.”</em>Damn man was giving her that look now. <em> “Why didn’t you want me to leave?”</em>He was asking her something that maybe wasn’t about her story, wasn’t he?<em>“Why do you want me to stay?”</em></p><p class="p1"><em>Oh.</em>Really the answer was easy, wasn’t it?<em>Just be honest.</em>A smile curled at her mouth.<em>“You make me laugh.”</em></p><p class="p1"><em>“I make you laugh?”</em>It was his turn to be caught off guard.</p><p class="p1"><em>“On Taris, when we met.I …you made me laugh.And you didn’t yield.”</em>She let those words sit for a minute, saw him taking her meaning, remembering the first time they’d sparred. They’d known each other all of four days at that point, but that he wasn’t afraid to best her - and could - that he’d offered his hand with that look that made her burn, the same one on his face now, she’d known then that whatever partnership he was offering was worth pursuing. </p><p class="p1"><em>“You didn’t yield, and you made me feel something…. you reminded me to live I think, to enjoy, to …to remember all the things that are good and true.”</em>It was easy now, to tell the truth to herself about this thing between them.<em>“You keep doing that…so just feels right.”</em>She bit her lip to suppress a wicked grin.“<em>And really, have you seen yourself? </em> <em>I knew from the first time we sparred that I wanted you.”</em></p><p class="p1">He pressed her knuckles to his lips.<em>“So, what do we do now?” </em>His tone was light and suggestive, but she sensed that the question was a serious one. </p><p class="p1">She considered bringing her free hand to his face, but felt precarious.What was he offering?<em>“Canderous,”</em>her voice caught.<em>“I want….I want this, with you, to follow it, to see where it goes. But I have to find my answers.I think it matters, to understand what happened, not just for me personally, but for the future of our people.I know I can’t ask you to come though.I…”</em></p><p class="p1">He cut her off with the gentlest of kisses, a bare whisper of his lips on hers.Then she was in his arms, nuzzling at his neck, his face buried in her hair.<em>I want this.</em></p><p class="p1"><em>“You don’t have to ask, Aoibhinn.I told you before, I’m not leaving.You don’t have to do this alone.”</em>She wasn’t sure the full meaning of that, but for now, it was enough.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Aoibhinn slowly came back to herself, steadying her breath, willing her heart to slow.Canderous’s hand lazed across her back as he nuzzled softly in her hair.</p><p class="p1"><em>“Stay.”</em>Despite their lovemaking his voice was thick with want.<em>“I want to wake to you.”</em>That he was willing to ask, moved her. <em>You want to.</em></p><p class="p1">In answer, she pressed closer, tucking her head firmly under his chin, her hand resting by his heart.She felt his arms tighten slightly around her in response, felt the deep contentment in his sigh, the steady thrum of his heartbeat.<em>Is this what it means to love? </em> His embrace stayed firm even as he gave in to sleep.</p><p class="p1">As she closed her eyes she felt the stars outside the Hawk as they flew through hyperspace towards Kashyyyk, felt the vastness of the universe and the smallness of this sliver of the galaxy.</p><p class="p1">Maybe she’d find her answers, or maybe she’d find answers to questions she hadn’t thought to ask.</p><p class="p1">She slept.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you've been following the adventure this far, thanks so much for reading!  Would love to hear what you think :)</p><p>Will start up the Kashyyyk arc soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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